


Knebworth, Baby Girl!

by CrimesAgainstHorn



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Body Image, Concerts, Confessions, Developing Friendships, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Jealousy, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Male-Female Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Music, POV Male Character, References to Oasis (Band), Romance, Romantic Friendship, Slow Romance, Teen Angst, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:47:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 21,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28194930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimesAgainstHorn/pseuds/CrimesAgainstHorn
Summary: Finn's excited for the Oasis concert at Knebworth and not just because of the music, but also for the chance to hang out with his mates, including Rae. They're just friends, so why is he getting all worked up when Little Al shows an interest in her? And why does Rae seem pissed off when a girl at Knebworth flirts with him? With Oasis as the soundtrack, this could be a night that changes Finn's life.Some details are in keeping with canon, but I've made some adjustments with the Chloe subplot to allow for Rae to actually get to Knebworth this time around. Oh, and I completely forgot about Barney until I re-watched "Ladies and Gentlemen" deep into writing this, so sadly Barney didn't make the cut. I've tried my best to research Knebworth (which I've never been to) and the Oasis concert of 1996, but I've obviously had to take liberties and just imagine some stuff. Please forgive any inaccuracies with dialogue and slang--I'm an American trying my best!
Relationships: Rae Earl & Finn Nelson, Rae Earl/Finn Nelson
Comments: 55
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

It’s too fuckin’ hot for Chop’s yammering. I lean against the car and put my headphones on. “Don’t Look Back in Anger” blasts through and I take a big swig of beer. Just a few hours and Oasis will play this song for 100,000 screaming people--and I’ll be one of ‘em. I picture myself surrounded by a wall of sound--the pounding of the drums, the guitar licks, the words carried through the air and hitting my ears so hard it feels like they’ll bleed. It’s gonna be fucking amazing.

I got the perfect mix ready for the car. Can’t wait to see Rae’s face when I press play and “Spaceman” is the first song up. She’s gonna be massively pissed.

I’ve got my eyes closed, thinking about the car ride and the concert, when I feel a shove and hear my name, muffled but loud enough to make out over Liam Gallagher’s voice. 

“Finn! Oi, Finn!” I yank out my headphones and open my eyes to see Chopper in my face, blocking out the sunlight.

“What?” This better be fucking good and not another one of his stupid schemes about picking up girls at Knebworth.

“You fuckin’ deaf? I said we got a change in cars. Archie’s riding with me and you got Little Al now.” 

“What? Why? I barely know him.” I look over to Chop’s car, where the rest of the group is hanging out, drinking and talking. Little Al’s got his Oasis shirt on like the rest of us and I watch as it looks like he’s telling some story to big laughs from the other lads. 

It was true--I’d only met the bloke a few times. The first was at the pub a couple months ago when we were both pissed; I don’t remember much of that night. We hung out a little the day we told Rae she was coming along, and then again yesterday at the meeting, ‘course. All I know about him is that he never seems to shut up. Always telling bad jokes and stories that go on and on. Not to mention, the idiot supports Liverpool. Riding all the way to Knebworth and back with him would be torture.  
“Cuz you got Rae in yours, that’s why,” Chop responds. 

I’m confused. “Yeah and?”

“And he fancies her. Suppose Raemundo worked her lady charms on him.” Chop rubs his hands together and laughs. “He asked to ride with her. Guess she didn’t scare him off in the chippy.”

The chippy. I look down at my right hand, the knuckles red and two of them torn and scabbing over. Those fucking twats. 

I can’t explain why, but now it feels like I’m the one who’s been punched. Right in my gut. Little Al likes Rae? I guess I saw them laughing together at the pub a few days ago when we all met up. But there’s no way Rae would like Little Al...Is there? Rae’s smart and quick, and even though I guess I don’t know her too well yet, I can tell she’s always got something on her mind, she’s always thinking and noticing things. I’m not sure Little Al would see his hand if it was in front of his face. 

“You wanna take Archie and Lizzard and I’ll take Rae and Little Al in mine?” Chop asks. 

I look over again at Little Al. He’s thin as a pole and a couple inches taller than me. His hair is weird--kind of shaggy in the back and short in the front, like he can’t decide if he wants to grow it out. He’s got what my Nan would call a “strong profile,” with a long nose that meets in a point and reminds me of a bird’s beak. As a matter of fact, at this moment the knobhead’s trying to balance a beer can on his nose. It falls off and beer trickles down his t-shirt. Lizzard laughs, but Archie rolls his eyes with annoyance when Little Al’s head is turned away. No way Rae’s gonna go for this idiot. In fact, it might be funny to watch her blow him off. 

“Nah,” I tell Chop, “I’ll take Rae and Little Al.”

“Right, right,” Chop says, turning and shouting to the others, “Hey, Little Al, you’re with Finn and Rae, yeah?”

Little Al flashes a stupid grin and raises his beer can in my direction. “Nice, thanks, mate!” 

I wave half heartedly and shake my head. Keep smiling, mate. No fucking way will Rae give you the time of day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn sees Rae for the first time since punching Big G and the group finally leaves for Knebworth.

I’m about to turn my music back on when I see Rae walking down the gravel path. Instead, I toss my Discman in the car and take another sip of beer. 

The thing about Rae is she doesn’t look or act like any other girl in Lincolnshire I’ve ever met. Like now, even at a distance I can see she’s wearing these round, orange sunnies that remind me of Liam Gallagher’s. What other girls wear sunnies like those? It’s not just that, though; she’s got this leather jacket she wears all the time, plus flannels and band shirts--good bands, too, not crap like Boyzone or Spice Girls. And she’s always banging on about something, telling jokes or making little remarks. She’s got opinions about everything and she doesn’t mind disagreeing with ya. I should know, since I always seem to be the one she’s ragging on. The girls I date wear pink tops and dresses with flowers on them, and they usually have so much makeup on I wouldn’t be able to recognize them without their faces all done up. They put on an act and probably just say what they think I wanna hear, like it’s all a big game. Rae just says what she thinks. I don’t think she worries about impressing anyone, least of all me. 

Not that I’m dating Rae. I mean, obviously I’m not dating Rae. We’re friends, that’s all. I just mean those were the only girls I thought existed in Lincolnshire. 

As she gets closer to my car, I’m not sure what to do with myself, which is actually pretty fucking annoying. Why does it feel like I’ve never had arms or hands before now? I can’t figure out where to place them, so I just put one hand in my pocket and use the other to swish my beer can around in a little circle, even though it’s got about two drops left. I think I look mostly normal by the time Rae strides up to my back bumper. 

“Hiya,” she says, a plastic bag of what looks like booze swinging in her hand. 

I nod in her direction. “Alright?”

She nods. “How’s your hand?”

I feel the familiar sting of ripped skin as my fingers flex. “I’ll live,” I say casually. Truth is, it took everything in me not to throw another ten punches. I would’ve broken both hands just to make those dickheads feel the kind of pain they deserved. 

Rae smiles. “Thanks for that, by the way.” She says it softly, and I look around to make sure no one else has heard us. I haven’t told the others about what happened. I hadn’t wanted to make a big deal of it. If I had, it would’ve just made a bigger deal of what those dickheads said, and that wouldn’t be fair to Rae. It’d be like hurting her all over again, to tell everyone what happened and make her relive it. Those shit words. I just did what I did because it needed to be done. How could I have just walked away and pretended not to see or hear those dickheads harassing her? 

I clear my throat and with a shrug, I say, “Anyone would’ve done the same, ya know.”

She shakes her head soon as I get the words out. “No, they wouldn’t.” 

I duck my head and look away. I can’t imagine any other decent bloke--‘specially one who’s supposed to be Rae’s mate--not beating the crap outta Big G. But something’s been knocking about inside my brain since yesterday: Why was it me? Why was I the only one who saw Rae’s skirt and decided to stay and wait for her?

Chop’s voice breaks into my thoughts. “Ramundo, you’re here m’dear!” Rae waves to the lads, who yell their hellos back. 

“Alright,” Chop screams, “This convoy’s heading out! Knebworth, baby girl!” He pounds the hood of his car and we all start whooping and cheering. Little Al walks over and I notice the beer he spilled must’ve made its way down to his jeans because there are wet splotches near his crotch. I have to try really hard not to be a bastard and take the piss out. 

“Hey, Rae! I’m riding with you and Finn,” he says, ignoring me. Not that I mind it. 

“Oh, cool.” 

Am I imagining it or does Rae not sound as excited about Little Al joining us in the car as she would if she fancied him? 

I’m relieved when I see Little Al climb into the back and Rae take the seat up front. For a second, I thought maybe he would try to get her to ride in the back with him, like I was their fucking driver. 

As we’re putting on our belts, Little Al leans up between our seats, a CD case in his hand.

“Rae, this is that German band I was telling you ‘bout.” 

Rae takes the disc and starts reading the liner notes. “Looks interesting. Maybe we can play it on the way back?” She passes it to him and smirks at me. “Finn made a tape that’s probably half crap but I guess we should listen to it.”

I narrow my eyes from under my sunnies and laugh. Little Al glances over in my direction, his brows scrunched up for a moment before that stupid grin reappears. “Yeah, sure.”

I cue up the tape deck. “Listen, I’m expecting marks out of ten for every track.” 

Rae’s beer can is nearly at her lips when she stops dead as the opening notes of “Spaceman” start. Her face is fucking priceless.

“Yeah, well, it’s a zero to start,” she says, her voice full of that classic Rae attitude I’ve come to know over the past weeks.

I pretend to be surprised. “What? I thought this was your favorite song.”

Little Al pipes up from the back. “I fuckin’ love this song!” I look in the mirror and he’s drumming on his legs to the beat. Me and Rae turn to each other and burst out laughing. 

Chop’s car swings past us, Archie’s head poking out from the window as he slams his hands against the outside of his door. They’re all screaming and shouting. I get the car in drive and we’re off. Knebworth. Oasis. Something tells me this could be one of the greatest nights of my life. So far, at least. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Rae shaking her head and laughing, her head moving along to the electro beat of Babylon Zoo. 

No fucking way does Little Al have a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a Finn/Rae shipper, I like to think about the turning points in their relationship--we know when Rae starts liking Finn but we have to guess as to when Finn starts to like Rae (and I'm sure we all have our own theories). 
> 
> I think Finn was immediately intrigued by Rae (not romantically), because she was a new person in their circle and she was so different from the other girls he knew, and I don't even mean that in terms of her looks, but just for who she is, the way she dresses, her interests, etc. She challenges him, but she's also a lot like him in that they're both loners. In this story, the concert is a turning point in their relationship and it's kind of taking the place of the sexy party because it's a chance for them to connect on a deeper level (you'll see more of that much later, so stick around!) I love writing Finn as off-balance and trying to make sense of his feelings. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Rae share a musical moment during the drive to Knebworth, and Finn contemplates the relationship between Rae and Little Al.

It takes over two hours to get to Knebworth. I figured it’d take awhile to get there, but I thought the time would be spent listening to tunes and gettin’ the piss taken outta me by Rae. Instead, it’s mostly two hours of Little Al telling long stories that usually end with him getting shitfaced and passing out after doing something stupid like lighting his shoes on fire. I half-listen. Sometimes, I turn the volume up on the music just a little, hoping he’ll get the hint and shut up. He doesn’t.

I spend a lot of the car ride trying to figure out how Rae feels about him. She turns to face him for most of his stories and seems to laugh at the right moments. But when certain songs come on, she turns back and says, “I love this song,” like that’s more important than whatever they were talking about. She sticks her hand out the window, moving it with the motions of the breeze, and sings along. It’s soft, her voice, but in the moments when I can catch it, it surprises me with how sweet it sounds. I catalog it, adding it to the growing list of facts I’m slowly collecting about her. 

She gives me decent marks on the songs, except for “Spaceman” and “Ready to Go” by Republica, which get a 0 and a 2. I guess I added “Ready to Go” for the same reason I added “Spaceman”--to get a rise out of her. I feel a little smug knowing I succeeded. 

We’re nearly to Knebworth when the final song on my mix plays. I can tell we all feel worn out from the long drive and the heat. Little Al’s fallen asleep and it’s finally quiet, thank bloody Jesus. I’ve been wiping sweat from my neck all morning, and I wish I could just take my shirt off to get cool. I look over at Rae, wearing her usual long sleeves under her t-shirt, and wonder how she hasn’t passed out by now. Thinking about taking off my shirt and then thinking about Rae wearing two shirts makes my brain a jumble and I start to picture Rae taking off *her* shirts--both of ‘em. Before I know it, I feel a stirring in my stomach. Then I feel a stirring below my stomach. I’m actually thankful when Little Al lets out a snore and my mind snaps back to reality before I get too carried away. 

I focus on the song and remember where I am. The volume had been low, but after the first few notes Rae turns it up and stays sitting near the edge of her seat, almost like she’s trying to get as close as she can to hear it better. I bet she’d climb inside the radio if she could. 

“What’s this?” She tilts her head as she listens.

I’d forgotten I added this song. Part of me feels satisfied for picking something she doesn’t know. Another part of me feels...I don’t know, weird I guess, that it's this song, of all the possible songs, that catches her attention. 

“It’s “The Way Things Are” by Blue. They were a Scottish band from the 70’s.”

She leans back against her seat, looking out the window. She goes quiet then and I can tell this isn’t a time for speaking, not that I’m much for it anyway. It feels like the air in the car has gotten heavy with something more than the heat. I’m just not sure what. As the song finishes we stop at a traffic light and I look over in time to see Rae brush a tear away from under her sunnies. I know I should turn away--it’s rude to just keep staring at her--but I don’t. She catches me looking and kind of rolls her shoulders like she’s letting go of some invisible weight. 

“Good song,” she says. She smiles a little but looks sad at the same time. I know the feeling--It’s the same for me every time I hear “The Way Things Are.” 

I nod. “Yeah.” 

I want to say more. I want to tell her how this song can make me cry, also--something I’ve never admitted to anyone ever. I want to ask her what she was thinking about while it played--*who* she was thinking about. I want to tell her about Mum. 

But I don’t say any of those things because I don’t know how. It’s like there’s a wall between my brain and my mouth. And even if I could get the words out, I definitely don’t want to say them with that moron in the back of the car. 

We stay looking at each other for a moment. Maybe it’s more than a moment because I hear a horn from behind letting me know the traffic light’s changed. 

We keep driving. Every time I sneak a glance at Rae, she’s looking out the window, hands tucked under her thighs, her body turned away from me. Shit, she must think I’m a weirdo. Shit. Just when I thought we were finally, truly getting on, things could be getting really fucking complicated instead. One old song and I’ve fucked it all up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2021 Readers! 
> 
> This chapter has undergone a bunch of revisions prior to my posting. The biggest change was the song I use as a bonding moment between Finn and Rae. Until last night, it had been "Fade into You" by Mazzy Star as a nod to Nico Mirallegro, who is a big Mazzy Star fan. But, the lyrics just never felt right. Without giving away too much, I will say that this song will play a bigger role later on in the story and we will find out its significance to Finn. SO--the lyrics needed to be meaningful. I also decided I needed something released way before the 90's. I literally Googled "obscure songs about losing someone from the 70's" and found "The Way Things Are" by Blue--a song and band I had never heard of, but I have now listened to this song about a dozen times and it is so poignant and lovely. You can check it out here if you're so inclined: https://youtu.be/VC5mlfALHLM
> 
> Even though I didn't get that Nico reference in there, the fact that Blue is a Scottish band pays homage to Sharon Rooney, so I'm happy with that LOL. Hope the chapter gives you guys some feels. Thank you for reading!! Happy & Healthy New Year to all!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang arrives at Knebworth!  
> P.S. Just a reminder that I've never been to Knebworth and about 99% of the Knebworth content is completely my creation and tailored to what I need for my storyline. So...please don't expect authenticity :-)

“This place is massive!” Archie says as we walk around the Knebworth grounds. 

It’s after 3:00 p.m. when we finally park the cars and walk over to the main area. There must be at least 500 people here already, probably more. By the time the sun starts setting, the entire 250 acres will be filled with screaming fans. Between the excitement of finally arriving at Knebworth and the alcohol, courtesy of Rae, that we finished off in celebration of our arrival, the six of us are buzzing like electric amps. 

“I can’t believe Oasis is really gonna be on *that* stage in a few hours.” Rae practically squeals, pointing in the distance to the largest stage I’ve ever seen. 

Little Al pipes up. “It’s mad, ain’t it?” He’s been walking alongside Rae the whole time, practically glued to her hip. I’ve fallen back a few paces and walk with Archie and Lizzard. I keep thinking about whatever it was that happened with me and Rae in the car. I dunno what it was, but it felt like….I dunno, like something. It doesn’t help that Little Al won’t stop talking. I’m so sick of hearing his voice I could punch him right in his stupid mouth. That would shut him up.

“Ey, you alright, mate?” Archie nudges my arm. “Look like you’re ready to pop off.” He laughs and the others turn to look at me.

I realize my hands are clenched into claws. My face is probably a scowl. I brush it off, try to relax my body. “Nah, I’m just starvin’ to death. Let’s get some food.” 

It’s not a lie, really. I haven’t eaten anything since toast this morning and my stomach feels like an empty cave. The smells from the food vendors make it rumble; Hot dogs, burgers, fish and chips, candy floss and other sweets.

“Fuck yes!” Lizzard yells. “I’m so hungry I’d eat a fuckin’ lampost!” We all laugh and start walking to the row of food stands. 

“I’ll get us a table,” Rae says. There are dozens of picnic tables in the field beyond the perimeter of the stands and it looks like they’re filling up quickly.

“I can come with--” Little Al starts to say before Rae cuts him off. 

“No, that’s alright. You guys go. I’ll be fine.”

He looks disappointed and I have to stop myself from smirking. 

As Rae starts walking away, Chop calls to her: “Raemondo, what do ya want to eat, m’dear? On me.”

She turns, walking backwards, and shouts, “Nah, I’m not hungry. Thanks, anyway!” 

As Rae walks towards the tables, Lizzard slaps Chop in the chest and says jokingly, “That’s a’right mate, you can buy me lunch.” 

Chop shoves him, “Yeah you wish, knobhead,” and we take off in search of food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, guys, I know this is a pretty boring chapter. It's basically just a bridge to set us up for the next scene (which will have much more content--and important content!). I'll try to get the next chapter up sooner rather than later. Thanks so much for reading!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn tries to find out more about Rae's feelings for Little Al.

Lizzard and Chop are at the burger stand, trying to chat up a couple of girls. A few stands over, Archie and I wait for our order of fish and chips. This could be my chance to get some information out of the one person here who might actually know what’s really goin’ on with Rae and Little Al. 

“Arch, what do ya think of Little Al?” 

Archie wipes his glasses on the bottom of his shirt while he thinks for a moment before answering. “Well, he’s not half as funny as he thinks he is, but all in all, I’d say he was alright. Not the brightest, but probably not a complete wanker.” 

“Apparently he’s got a thing for Rae.” I try to sound casual. With my sunnies on, I feel safer talking with Archie ‘bout this. 

“Yeah, he was going on about it before we left. Sounds like he’s got it bad.” He looks at me strangely and for a second I wonder if he suspects something. “Not sure how Rae feels about him, though.”

“Hmm. Really?” Again, I try to seem disinterested, even though I was the idiot who brought it up. 

Archie shrugs.

Archie and Rae are pretty close. If he doesn’t think Rae likes Little Al, I bet he’s right. I almost wish Chloe was here, even though I’ve got no idea how I’d get anything outta her without revealing that maybe I don’t want Rae datin’ Little Al. And anyway, why do I care so much about who Rae dates? Before yesterday, I don’t even think she thought much of me. She’s made it pretty clear I’m not her favorite person, and I can’t really blame her; I know I’m not always the friendliest. Punching one twat ain’t gonna change her opinion of me. So what if she decides to date the biggest idiot in Lincolnshire? Whatever passed between us in the car was because we were listening to that song. That fucking song that I never should have put on that disc. It makes me feel too much, and I guess it made Rae feel something, too. But that’s all it was, like a trick or something. That’s just how music works. 

Our orders come up. We take them and start walking towards the tables. Little Al jogs over from a stand on the opposite end. He sidles up next to me and I have to swallow down a groan. 

“Hey, Finn. You and Arch got the fish and chips?” He points to what’s clearly fish and chips in my hand. 

“Yup,” I say shortly. Idiot. 

“I got kebabs. Chicken. Smells good, don’t they?” He shoves the foil-wrapped kebabs in my face and I jerk backwards, putting my non-fish-and-chips-holding hand out before he shoves a kebab up near my nose. 

“I can smell ‘em from here, thanks.” 

Little Al doesn’t seem bothered. I can’t tell if he’s just an easy-going sort or...plain stupid? My guess is stupid.

No matter, he brushes off my annoyance and turns serious. “Listen, Finn, you know I got a thing for Rae, yeah?”

I roll my eyes under my sunnies. “I heard.” 

“Well, you’re her friend and you were in the car with us. How do ya think I’m doing?”

He can’t be serious. He wants me to judge his flirting skills? 

I decide to play dumb. “What do ya mean?” 

He unwraps a kebab and takes bites between words. “Do ya think she likes me?” 

There’s an incline we have to climb to reach the area with the tables. I take a deep breath, not just for the extra energy to make it over the hill but also to deal with Little Al. “‘Course she likes ya. You seem to get on.”

Little Al laughs. “Yeah, but does she like me enough to let me touch her tits, ya know?” 

I stop. Between the sodding heat, the buzz of the alcohol, the smell of my fish and chips mixing with Little Al’s kebabs, and the mention of Rae’s tits, I think I might pass out. 

I try to stay calm, but there’s no way to hide how done I am with this conversation. “Look, Archie’s the one who’s been on a date with Rae.” I gesture to Archie, who’s been eating chips on the other side of Little Al. “Why don’t ya try being more like him.” 

Confused, Little Al asks, “What? You mean boring?” 

Archie’s about to bring a chip to his mouth but stops, the chip still raised in the air. “What the fuck, Al?” 

I leave the two of them to bicker. I mutter something about going to eat and keep walking in search of Rae.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Not much I can say because I don't want to reveal too much of what's coming, but I hope you're enjoying it so far!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rae apologizes for her outburst at the chippy and Finn starts to wonder if Little Al isn't the good guy he seems to be.

Archie and Little Al are still fussing when we finally find Rae. It’s a good thing she offered to get a table, because by the time we’ve all gotten our food and made it to the eating area every single one is taken. Hundreds of people are plopped down on the grass with their food and drinks and we have to weave around them as we walk. 

“I just meant you were smart, man. Ya know, a proper student, that’s all,” Little Al says as we throw our legs over the bench. I sit across from Rae, Little Al sliding in next to her and Archie beside me. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Archie grumbles.

“What’s going on?” Rae asks, searching our faces. 

Little Al glares at me and Archie. There’s a sharpness in his eyes that I don’t like the look of; It’s the first time he’s seemed anything other than stupidly happy, apart from that brief moment in the car when Rae decided to listen to my CD instead of his. 

“Nothin’,” he says roughly, before quickly switching back to his usual friendly voice and turning to Rae. “Here, Rae, I got extra kebab. You want?” He thrusts the foil packet in Rae’s face like he did to me. Just like me, Rae recoils and pushes his hand away. 

“No, thanks.” 

I see her and Archie make eye contact. Rae rolls her big brown eyes back in her head dramatically when Little Al’s head is turned. I can’t help but chuckle. I think it’s quiet enough but then Rae’s face cuts to me sharply, surprised and a little annoyed, like I’ve eavesdropped on a private moment between her and Arch. Then, I think she might actually be...amused? Her eyebrows shoot up and she smiles like a spy recognizing another, like we’re partners in something. I’ve never known someone who says so much without even opening their mouth. Not that Rae doesn’t talk—sometimes she just goes on and on. I guess I don’t mind it that much, though. 

It’s not long after that Lizzard and Chop find our table. Lizzard’s the one who says something about the drinks--bottles of water and Coke in the center of the table that Rae tells us she bought from a vendor walking the grounds. 

“They’re to say sorry for yesterday. ‘Specially to you, Chop,” Rae says seriously, looking around the table. “I was having a bad day and I shouldn’t have taken it out on all of you, ‘specially when you invited me on this lads trip.” 

I look straight at her. “Everyone has bad days. You’ve nothing to be sorry for.” 

My words cut through the noise around us. Rae looks at me with this warmth in her eyes that feels as real as the sunshine beating down on my face. I just want her to stay shining on me. But I can feel the other lads around me and instead of keeping my eyes on her, I turn my head away and start eating.

I can’t say I was too surprised when Rae freaked out and yelled at us at the chippy. Even though she’s usually good for a laugh, I can pick up on a sadness, or maybe it’s fear, swimming just below the surface of her eyes. When you don’t talk much, you notice things like this, small things that aren’t small at all. She’d been pissy for days, and then when I saw her skirt, it all clicked together. It can’t be easy being the only girl in a group of lads. 

Chop breaks the mood, of course, raising a bottle of Coke, his toothy grin bared for all to see. “Eh, eh to Raemundo. We gotcha, girl, even when you got a rat face on, yeah.” Everyone laughs, including Rae, and we hold up our drinks and cheers. 

“And, and,” Lizzard yells, “To the three fit girls we’re gonna know *real* well later tonight!” Him and Chop clink their bottles again. 

“What’s this?” Archie asks. “You so pissed you can’t count right? I only saw two girls from where I was standing.”

“Third was in the toilet,” Lizzard says. “We ain’t seen her yet, so who knows what she looks like. Kim, Maddie, and...What’d they say the other one’s name is?” Lizzard looks to Chop, and Chop looks to the sky, his brows furrowed. It’s a sight to see Chop thinking this hard. 

“Something with an R...Rowan? Rebecca?” He seems to have a realization and slams his hand on the table, shouting, “Rhiannon!” 

Lizzard nods. “Yeah, yeah, that’s it! I knew it was somethin’ long and weird.” 

“You three lads will have to decide which one gets her.” Chop points to Archie, Little Al, and me. “‘Cuz I got Maddie and Lizzard’s got Kim. Don’t matter what she looks like. Don’t get any ideas ‘bout switching.” 

Archie tsks. “Such a gentleman, Chop.” 

“I’m not interested,” Little Al says loudly. He smiles at Rae before casting his eyes down shyly. The whole thing feels like an act to me. I think of what he said while we were walking. Does she like me enough to let me touch her tits? 

I catch Rae looking at me, so brief I nearly miss it. Her eyes dart away quickly and she smiles back at Little Al. It’s all hard to watch. Little Al hitting on Rae. Rae being hit on. 

“You two fight it out, then,” Chop says. He punches Archie in the shoulder and leans over to mess my hair, which I smooth back down. 

I should’ve known something like this was comin’. At the pub, Chop’s been going on about “fresh ladies,” and how this concert was a chance to meet new girls outside Lincolnshire. He’s too dumb or too scared to realize he’s mad about Izzy. 

I just wanted to have a day without worrying about Nan being in hospital and how pale she looked when I visited yesterday. I wanted to listen to good tunes and have some drinks and laughs with my mates. I didn’t want to meet new girls. I still don’t. I’d put him off every time he’d mention it, then I just started to go along with it, I guess. I’d nod and agree. Figured he’d either get over it or strike out and that would settle it. Now, I’d just have to hope these girls were trying to give him the brush off and wouldn’t show. I don’t need this shit.

“I think you’re right, Arch,” I say. “These knobheads were so pissed they can’t tell when they’re gettin’ the brush off.” Archie and Rae laugh, but Lizzard and Chop just shake their heads.

“I’m tellin’ you lot, they’re gonna find us,” Lizzard says, annoyed. “Prolly lookin’ for us right this minute. And hey, maybe Rhiannon will let you share, eh?” 

When Lizzard says it, Chop cackles loudly, but he’s the only one. Archie laughs a little, but I can see his cheeks are red and I know he’s just trying to go along with the lads. I shake my head and drink more of my Coke to keep from having to go along with Lizzard and feel like a shit person or tell him he’s a twat and risk gettin’ the piss taken. I’m not surprised to hear Rae groan. 

It’s Little Al of all people who catches my eye. The twat’s got his head ducked low, so it seems like he’s embarrassed by what Lizzard said. But I can see the corners of his mouth curled up just so, his eyes bright. He’s not embarrassed. He’s trying not to laugh along. Does she like me enough to let me touch her tits?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> Keep this chapter in mind as the story moves forward because it's pretty revealing about a certain character...you can probably guess which one. Thanks again for reading and being patient as I put up the chapters!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up for a MAJOR chapter!  
> New characters change the group dynamic and create (even more!) jealousy between Rae and Finn. 
> 
> (P.S. I have to introduce a little British geography in this chapter. As an American, I am so clueless when it comes to this topic. I looked at maps and tried to research a little, but please please please take pity on me if my locations are illogical. I'm sorry!)

We keep eating and I try not to think too much about Little Al and this growing feeling I have that he’s an even bigger shit than I first thought. It helps that Rae’s in a good mood and keeps me distracted. She tells one of the dirtiest jokes I’ve ever heard about a poodle and a hot dog. We all laugh so hard that Lizzard sprays soda out his nose. It only makes us laugh harder. When Rae laughs--really laughs—I feel this pull toward her, like we’re magnets. But that’s just how she is--I bet everyone feels that way when they’re around Rae.

To make up for the gross soda spray, Lizzard buys a round of beers from a roaming vendor and teaches us a drinking game he learned from his cousin in Glasgow. We’re all crap at it and give up after only a few minutes. I keep checking my watch because I want to head down to the staging area to see if we can catch them setting up for the opening acts. The music--the real, live music--should be starting in an hour. During the car ride, while Little Al was sleeping, me and Rae talked about the different equipment we might see. We want to know everything: how many amps and lights will be on the stage, which brand of instrument each musician uses, all of it. I figure I’ll suggest we start walking near the stage in about ten minutes. I don’t think the other lads will care much about that kind of stuff, but Rae will. Rae does care about that stuff. She would come with me. 

Suddenly, Lizzard lowers his head and starts slapping the table. “They’re comin’, they’re comin!” He keeps his hand down low and points across the field.

“Who?” Archie asks. 

“The girls from before! They found us. They’re walkin’ right towards us!” 

Archie, Chop, and I turn to look. About 15 meters away are three girls headed in our direction. I recognize two of them as the girls Lizzard and Chop were trying to get on with at the food stands. I’d bet anything-- my scooter, my car, my entire record collection--that Maddie’s the shorter girl with reddish-brown hair and freckled skin; Of course, Chop would go for an Izzy clone. When’s the knobhead going to realize he likes her already and just do somethin’ ‘bout it? 

The other girl I recognize from the food stand is tall and lanky, with chocolate skin and long, thin braids that fall way past her shoulders. She must be Kim. The third girl doesn’t look familiar, so I’m guessin’ that’s Rhiannon. She’s got short blonde hair that hits her collarbone and fringe blowing in her eyes. She’s not as tall as Kim but not as short as Maddie. The yellow dress she’s wearing has some sort of pattern and only reaches halfway down her slim thighs. Daisies. As she walks closer, I can see they’re daisies on her dress. Anyone with two eyes can see all three are as fit as Lizzard said.

“Ladies, you found us!” Chop says as the girls approach our table. He and Lizzard jump up to give Maddie and Kim quick hugs. 

“Took us ages to find you,” Maddie says. 

“We stopped at a different table down that way,” Kim says, pointing closer to the food stands, “but it was a bunch of Irish blokes.” 

“They bought us drinks, so we sat and had a bit of a chat.” Maddie giggles and that sends Kim and Rhiannon laughing along. Archie and I look at each other with raised eyebrows like we’re thinking the same thing: They’ve had more than one round. 

“No matter, no matter,” Lizzard says. “Ladies, let me introduce ya’s to our group. This is Little Al, Rae, Archie, and Finn.” He points to each of us. 

Little Al smiles and waves at the girls. Rae smiles, too, but it’s not a full-on Rae smile. She keeps her eyes down and her whole body looks tight and pulled together, like she’s trying to make herself small. Archie waves and says hello but his face is as red as a tomato. Poor bastard.

Chop introduces Maddie and Kim to us and it’s hard not to notice how his eyes tilt down a bit too much towards Maddie’s round chest when he says her name. Real subtle, Chop. Lizzard’s not much better, dropping his wallet so he can get a good look at Kim’s long legs, exposed by some very short shorts.

“This is Rhiannon,” Kim says, pointing to the blonde girl.

Rhiannon scans the group. When her eyes fall on me and she gives me a crooked closed-mouth smile, I know right off that I’m in trouble. Of course I know how some girls look at me. How lots of girls look at me. Most of the time I pretend I don’t notice because I’m not usually interested, but it doesn’t mean I can’t tell when *they’re* interested in *me*. It’s the typical stuff: they look at me a little longer than they should, they use a different voice that’s softer and higher when they talk to me, they find reasons to touch my arm or my hand or my knee (or in the case of Maggie Davies last summer, my inner thigh. That one was actually a surprise I didn’t mind). Rhiannon’s looking at me like Maggie Davies and all those other girls looked at me. Like I’m some sort of prize they can just take. 

I know it sounds like a right fantasy, don’t it? I know Chop and Lizzard would switch places with me if they could. But it’s not as fun as it sounds. Most of the time--like now--it just creeps me out. 

“Let’s shove down. ‘Ere, sit.” Chop flaps his hands at us to make room. 

Rae and Little Al move down for Kim and then Lizzard to sit. Maddie sits next to Archie and Chop takes the end. Rhiannon’s still standing on our side of the table, so I guess she means to sit on our bench with us. I decide to move closer to the edge, this way she can sit between me and Arch or, even better, Archie will take the hint and move down so Rhiannon can sit next to Maddie. Instead, annoyingly, she comes to sit on the other side of me. 

“Do ya mind?” She asks, scooting her bottom against my hip as a way of asking for more room on the bench. What choice do I have? I close the space I had opened up between me and Arch.

“Chop says you all are from Stamford, that right?” Maddie asks. Jesus, her voice even sounds like Izzy’s. We all nod.

“Where do you girls live,” Little Al asks.

“Well,” Kim begins, “I’m from Liverpool, ‘course.” We all laugh, ‘cause as soon as Kim opened her mouth it was clear as day she’s a Scouser. “And Maddie’s from Birmingham. But we’re staying with Rhiannon and her family in Northampton on holiday from uni.” 

“Where do you go to Uni?” Archie asks.

“Durham,” Maddie answers, taking a sip from Chop’s beer, her bright pink lipstick leaving a stain on the rim. 

“Durham?” Archie turns away from our end of the table, his eyes going back and forth between Maddie and Kim. “I’m dying to go there. You’ve got to tell me everything!” 

Figures the only thing Archie would want to talk about is uni. The last thing I want to even think about is college. Uni? Forget it. I tune out and check my watch again. This seems like the perfect time to try to convince Rae to make an escape with me. Hell, maybe I can even convince Little Al to stay here and keep Rhiannon company. 

I place my palms flat on the bench on either side of me, preparing to stand, when I feel a hand against my chest. Rhiannon. She’s running her fingers along the “Oasis” on my shirt. I look from my chest to her face and see a flirtatious smile aimed right at me. Bloody hell. 

“So, you lot are like massive Oasis fans, eh?” Rhiannon’s fingers trail down to my torso and her hand ends up on my knee. I don’t want to embarrass her. Instead of making a big show of moving her hand, I cough and shake my leg free of her. 

“Aren’t you?” Rae asks. I know the tone in her voice because she’s used it against me more than once. Sounds like she’s gearing up for a fight. 

Maddie pokes her head out, caught in the back and forth of words between Kim and Archie about Durham. “Well, it’s not like we hate ‘em or anything.”

“Definitely not,” Rhiannon says. “We’re just more into Backstreet Boys and Spice Girls. Stuff you can dance to, ya know?”

I roll my eyes. I’d rather shove a drill through my ears than listen to Backstreet Boys. They’re total garbage.

Rae looks back and forth between the two girls. “You’d rather listen to Backstreet Boys than Oasis?” She shakes her head. “Why would you go to the biggest Oasis concert in the world if ya don’t even like Oasis?!”

Maddie and Rhiannon laugh. “To meet fit lads, of course,” Maddie says before getting pulled back into the uni conversation. 

Rhiannon squeezes my shoulder. “And it worked.” 

This is what I mean when I say some girls act like I owe them something. Like they deserve me. I look over at Rae; her face is a grimace like my own. I think we’re having another secret spy moment. We’re probably thinking the same thing—How fucking weird is this girl? 

I’m about to open my mouth, finally make my escape and hopefully bring Rae with me, when she stands up so suddenly she knocks into the table. Little Al’s beer bottle falls and takes Rae’s with it, beer spilling over their side of the table. 

“I’m going to the staging area to watch the set up,” she announces.

Finally! We can get out of here. Get away from everyone, from all the talk about school and bad music. I expect her to throw a classic Rae smirk at me and say something sarcastic like, “You comin’, Finley?” 

But she doesn’t. She won’t even look me in the eye. Instead, she turns to Little Al, who’s been picking up the bottles and using a Knebworth map we got at the gates to mop up the spill. 

“Al, you want to come along?”

He looks up, his beady eyes wide. “Yeah, yeah--sure,” he stammers. It makes my stomach turn to see the expression on his face. It reminds me of how girls like Rhiannon look at me--Like they want to consume me. But on Little Al, there’s a shadow of something darker, and it worries me to see him looking at Rae like that. 

I shrug off Rhiannon’s arm and ignore the irritated look she gives me. I watch as Rae climbs over the bench and throws her backpack over her shoulders. 

When I speak, my voice is rougher than I mean it to be (actually, maybe I do mean it to be that rough because I’m pretty damn pissed). “I thought we were all gonna watch together. Ya know, like a group?” 

Rae fiddles with her backpack straps and shakes her head. “It’s not a big deal. Maybe we’ll meet you at the flagpole when Oasis goes on.” 

We all decided earlier in the afternoon that if we got separated, we’d meet up near the flagpole in the center of the field. But now she’s saying “maybe” she would find us later? What the fuck? After all this--the drive, the drinks, the hours spent in the sun--she’s just gonna walk away with this knobhead and not see us again for the rest of the night? We came here to watch Oasis *together.* 

Chop notices her and Little Al preparing to leave and calls out, his voice slurred, “You two off for some hanky panky?” I’m the only one at the table who doesn’t laugh. Little Al smirks, but Rae’s back is to him and I don’t think she catches it. Figures. 

Rae takes off her sunnies. It’s after 7:00 by now and the sun’s softened. The sky’s gone from bright blue with big puffs of white clouds to a pale orange and yellow with streaks of pink. Rae’s black hair and dark clothes against the bright sky are something incredible to look at. I’d snap a photo if I had a camera. 

She laughs a little, turns to Chop. “We’re just gonna take a walk and look around.” 

Then she looks over at me and Rhiannon, who’s still sitting so close to me that her mostly bare thigh is touching my own. Rae shrugs and raises her eyebrows. “But who knows what’ll happen. We’re all havin’ fun, right?” Her eyes narrow for a beat before she flips her face toward Little Al and smiles a sly smile--a smile I’ve seen lots of times on lots of other girls, but only once before on Rae, when she first shook hands with Archie over a month ago. 

“C’mon, Al.” She takes his hand and leads him away from the table, away from us. I keep watching until I lose them to the crowd.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Rae gone, Finn and Rhiannon have a surprising conversation that reveals some important truths about Finn's feelings for Rae.

“They’re cute together.”

Rhiannon presses a hand against the small of my back while I’m turned away, still trying and failing to keep Rae in my line of sight. She’s gone, though, with that asshole who’ll prolly try to grope her as soon as he gets the chance. And I just sat here and let her leave with him, like a fucking coward. 

I grab my beer and move to the other bench, now half empty. Everyone else has gone back to drinking and talking about social clubs at Durham and where to find the best fish and chips in Lincolnshire. 

And I’m sick of being nice. 

Rhiannon rolls her eyes and laughs. “I can take a hint, mate.”

I narrow my eyes. “Can you?” 

“Well, I’m not used to being rejected.” She reaches across and takes the beer from my hand. “Had to be sure you weren’t playing hard to get,” she says before downing the rest of it.

Jesus Christ, is she finally gettin’ that I don’t want to jump her bloody bones? 

She passes the empty bottle back to me. I shake both my head and the bottle for effect. I’ll admit it: I’m being a real shit. Whatever. 

Rhiannon folds her hands together and leans in conspiratorially. “So, let’s talk about your friend.”

I scoff. “Little Al’s not my friend.”

“Not him, knobhead, the girl.” She laughs and rolls her eyes. 

“Rae?” I shift in my seat, uncomfortable at the idea of talking about Rae with a total stranger.

“Yeah, Rae. Did you two date?”

“No, we’re just friends.”

“But you’ve fooled around, haven’t ya?” 

“What?” I shake my head. “Are ya deaf? I told ya, me and Rae are just friends.” I pick up my bottle again to take a drink. Then I remember she finished it and get pissed off all over again. 

Rhiannon laughs, leans backs and folds her arms over her chest. “Look...Finn... is it?” I nod. “Right then, Finn, it doesn’t take a genius to see you and this girl have something going on. I dunno what, but whatever it is friends don’t look at each other the way you two do.” 

“That’s bollocks,” I tell her. “You met us fifteen minutes ago and you think you’re an expert?” I’m irritated that Rhiannon thinks she knows more about how Rae and I feel for each other than even I understand.

Rhiannon doesn’t answer right away. She looks me up and down. Her lips purse and she narrows her eyes. “Oh, I get it.” A haughty expression twists her delicate features. “You’re embarrassed.”

My stomach drops. I can’t believe she would think I’m embarrassed of Rae--that Rae is someone to be embarrassed of. 

I grit my teeth, my voice a low growl. As I speak, the words start coming out faster and faster, because I need her to know how wrong she is. “You don’t know anything about us. Not me. Not Rae. Rae’s world class. Incredible. She’s funny and clever and beautiful, and she’s probably smarter than all of us put together. She’s got the best laugh, the best smile, and she’d do anythin’ for her mates. You’re the one who should be embarrassed.” 

I lean back and take a deep breath, trying to settle all the anger swirling around in my gut. I look down at my hands. I’ve been clenching them so tight that the broken skin on my right hand opened up. Small spots of blood dot each knuckle. I press my fingers over the sores and keep my hands hidden in my lap. 

When I glance back up at Rhiannon, I expect her to look insulted or ashamed. What I don’t expect is the smug smile she’s giving me instead. 

“Sounds to me like you like her quite a bit more than if she was just one of the lads.”

Her words land like stones. Heavy and real. They’re as true as the green of the grass and the spin of the Earth. I’ve spent the whole day jealous of Little Al. Ten minutes ago all I wanted was to walk away with Rae and leave everyone else behind. A few hours before that I was getting hard thinking about her topless. Of course I like her more than a mate. Plenty more. Gotta hand it to the girl--it was a bloody good trick. 

She stands and lays a hand on my shoulder as she passes. It’s not a touch that means “I want you,” but one that says, “It’s gonna be okay.”

“I don’t know what’s stopping you from going after her, but you’re gonna regret it if you let that bloke move in on her.” She pauses for a beat, looking off into the distance. “For what it’s worth, my girly instincts say she likes you, too.” 

I smile a little. The smallest hint of hope bubbles up inside me. 

“Alright, ladies, I’m gonna go look for some fitter lads,” Rhiannon announces, a teasing laugh in her voice. The girls put up a bit of a fight and try to convince her to stay, but in the end, Rhiannon puts on some lipstick she pulls from her purse and trots away.

Calling out over her shoulder, she yells, “Kim! Maddie! We meet at the falafel stand at half past eight. Don’t forget!” The girls wave in agreement.

Rhiannon stops suddenly. She turns and the last rays of sunlight hit her face. She shields her eyes with one hand and squints. Even so, I can tell she’s talking to me before she says a word. 

“Hey Finn! Don’t forget what I said! You know I’m right.” She looks at me for another second, turns again and walks away, the daisies on her dress fading into the horizon. 

I try not to smile. Jesus, what a weird day this is turning out to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting on 1/26 in honor of Nico Mirallegro's birthday! :-)
> 
> I love the dynamic that develops between Finn and Rhiannon, and how she becomes this enigmatic figure who can see what's clear and obvious, and forces Finn to really confront his feelings. I hope readers are pleasantly surprised with the turn her character takes, and I think it's in keeping with what's best about MMFD--everyone is a real person, not a complete hero and not a complete villain. 
> 
> In the next chapter we'll learn more about what's stopping Finn from acting on his feelings.   
> Thanks so so much for reading and the lovely comments you leave. It means the world to me!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the concert finally begins, Finn considers why he hasn't told Rae about his feelings.

Archie slides down the bench so he’s face to face with me. His features look soft and loose, like they do when he’s been drinking. The bottle in his hand still looks about half full, but I spot at least three empties next to his finished plate of chips. 

“Looks like you two hit it off, eh?”

I shrug. “Guess she wasn’t so bad.” 

Archie takes a swig of beer. “So, what was she right about?” 

I shrug again, reach out and pluck the bottle from Archie’s hands. “Who knows? Girls, ya know.” I swallow down the last of his beer and pass it back with a laugh. 

“Wow, thanks!” Archie rolls his eyes but laughs along. He starts gathering up the empties that piled up over the past few hours. Lizzard joins in, and together they walk them to a bin a few tables over. 

I think about what Rhiannon said. Not the part about me liking Rae, but the part about why I’m so nervous to tell her.

What’s stopping me? I watch as the answer to my question walks back to the table. 

Archie. 

Professor Archie, with his blonde hair and glasses, all his trivia and philosophy. His singing and guitar playing. I’m not like Archie. I don’t look like Archie, I don’t talk like Archie, and I’m definitely not smart like Archie. And even though I know him and Rae would never date again (for lots of reasons that’ll never change), I still know Archie’s the sort she fancies; she fell for him straight away. If she liked Archie, how could she like me?

But still. There was that moment in the car. I know I wasn’t imagining it. Yeah, she seemed distant after, but maybe she felt as unsure and confused and nervous as I did. And what about what Rhiannon said?

I could gut up and just do it, but it’s not like Rae’s just some girl at the pub. She’s a part of the gang. If I tell her and she doesn’t feel the same way...Well, I can’t do anythin’ to mess up our group. If I’m going to take a chance with Rae, I need to be sure she’d take a chance on someone like me. 

A commotion begins, loud enough to take my mind off Rae. Groups of people who had been sitting at the tables or lounging in the grass suddenly jump up and start hollering. I look to where everyone is running and see the stage lit up so bright I don’t know how anyone within 100 feet wouldn’t be blinded. I’m so far away that I can only make out a few blurs in the shape of people, but the two enormous screens on either side of the stage reveal five men. One of them picks up an electric guitar and starts playing a few notes, making the crowd get even louder. 

“Hello, Knebworth! We’re The Prodigy! Are you ready for the greatest fuckin’ night of your life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> I hope you're enjoying my interpretation of Finn and his motivations. It made sense to me that Finn would be nervous to tell Rae how he feels, in part because she's one of the few girls who doesn't openly flirt with him, and also because he knows the type Rae likes based on her history with Archie, and Finn knows he's not that person.   
> Thank you again so much for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The concert is underway, Finn and Archie have a heart-to-heart, and Lizzard has news.

“This is a crap song!” Archie screams into my ear, but I can hardly hear him over Manic Street Preachers. 

“Total crap,” I yell back. We bob our heads to the beat anyway, ‘cause what else are ya gonna do at the biggest concert in the world when you’re surrounded by thousands of people dancing and singing along? I look past Archie to where Lizzard and Chop, still half drunk, are showing off their God awful dance moves for any girls near ‘em. 

Kim and Maddie are gone. They said goodbye fifteen minutes ago then left to meet Rhiannon and head to their “next stop” for the night. Even though I saw Kim slip a scrap of paper to Lizzard with what I’m guessin’ had her phone number on it, both lads seem to have gotten over the girls and whatever relationships they thought they had with ‘em. 

The Prodigy were pretty good. Not really my kind of music, but it was cool when the lead singer dived off the stage and crowd surfed. He never got near enough to us, but I could see the green spikes of his hair bobbing around up in front. The madness of it kept my attention for a bit, but now that Manic Street Preachers are playing, I can’t distract myself enough to stop thinking of Rae and wondering what happened to her. She wasn’t at the flagpole when we got here a half hour ago. I know we still have maybe another hour before Oasis comes on, but I still hoped she’d be here when the concert started. 

I’ve been watching for her, scanning the crowd for her long, dark hair. Before this last song, I thought for sure I saw her about 20 meters away, walking towards the toilets. I jogged over, but when I tapped her shoulder and she turned, the woman facing me was twenty years too old to be Rae. 

What could she be doing with that tosser? Shit. Maybe he *was* touching her tits. They’re probably in some dark corner. His tongue in her mouth, his hands on her body. No, I shake the image out of my head. 

Manic Street Preachers are finally done. The only noise now is the loudness of talking and laughing from the people in the field. I know from the last set change that we have maybe ten minutes before the next act comes on. Now that there’s a break, we’re not all so crammed up together; people head to the toilets or to get food or drink. I casually scan the crowd again, hands in my pockets. I move my shoulders and neck like I’m trying to work out a muscle cramp, my eyes quickly taking in whatever bodies and faces I can see. Nothing. 

“Ey, you alright, mate?” Archie’s got small beads of sweat running down his neck. Even though it had cooled off when the sun went down, the heat from hundreds of bodies pressed and dancing together added a good twenty degrees. 

“Yeah, yeah, just bloody hot.” I pull my shirt away from my body and air it out. It’s not even for show--my back feels sticky with sweat and the air on my skin feels like heaven. It’s not enough to stop me from thinking of Rae, though, and worrying about what nasty things could be going on between her and Little Al while Archie and I stand around here talkin’ ‘bout nothing. 

Chop and Lizzard move closer and they’re a sight to see: Me and Archie sweating is nothing compared to them two--everything from their necks and up are sopping like they’d been dunked in a pool. 

“Nice dance moves,” I say. 

Chop grimaces and grabs his left side. “I think I broke an organ!” 

The way he says it--holding his hip and bending down, with the sweat dripping from his face--We all laugh like mad, even Chop. I laugh until I can’t breathe and my stomach hurts. It feels good. 

“I need water ‘fore I pass out. Who wants?” Lizzard asks. We all nod and drop down into the grass as he walks to the food stands. 

Chop lies down on his back, stretching out like there aren’t 1,000 people who could trample him. 

Archie shoves him in the side (not the side that’s “broken”). “Do you have any idea how disgusting that ground is?”

Chop just closes his eyes and pushes Archie’s hand away. “I need a rest, mate. Shhh.” 

“Just leave him. He’s pissed,” I tell Archie. He gives Chop one more look of disgust and turns to me. 

“So, what do ya make of the concert so far?” 

I brush some grass off the bottom of my jeans and shrug. “Not bad. Opening acts suck. Just ready for Oasis.”

Archie nods. He plants his hands behind him and leans back. We’re lucky to have this much space to ourselves. I’m already dreading the mad rush back to this part of the field when the music starts up again. 

“I’m surprised Rae’s not here yet,” Archie says. 

I press the toe of my sneaker into the soft earth. “Guess her and Little Al are gettin’ on.” I dig until a patch of grass lifts up.

“Hmm. I’m not sure about that.”

“Yeah?” I try to keep my voice neutral. Seeming uninterested is one of the things I do best.

“Yeah. I’ve thought about it, and I don’t see ‘em together. Little Al’s…” Archie hesitates. He’s sitting up now, his hands fumbling in the air as he tries to think of the right word.

“A shit?” I ask roughly.

Archie laughs. “I was going to say idiot, but “shit” works, too.” 

I kick the grass patch back into place and pat it down. “So ya don’t think Rae likes him?” 

Archie looks at me, his blonde fringe dripping sweat on his glasses. “I don’t know. But I think she deserves better than him. Just hope she knows it.” 

“Yeah. Me too.”

I can’t tell if Archie’s holding back and not sharing things he knows about Rae or suspects about me. But Christ, how can I expect my best mate to tell me anything when I’m not even being honest with him myself? 

He nods, wipes his glasses on the bottom of his shirt. I run my hands through my hair, thick with dried sweat and take a deep breath. I feel my lungs expand and imagine them filling with the particles of grass and smoke and beer and fried foods I can smell in the air. 

Talking to Archie calms me down. It makes me realize how badly I need to tell someone about all these confusing feelings I have bottled up for Rae. I still can’t tell if she thinks I’m her enemy or her friend. Half the time we’re together we’re laughing and the other half, it’s like our wires get crossed or somethin’ and we’re fighting or she’s just ignoring me. 

I decide now’s the time to tell Archie. Chop’s nearly passed out, Lizzard’s not back yet, and with only a couple minutes left before the next act comes on, there won’t be enough time to get into a proper conversation. I can just spill it all. At least then one other person will know. 

“Hey Arch--”

Before I can finish, Chop yelps from the ground. Something whacks me in the head and I’m knocked to my side by someone falling into me. I take Archie down, too, like dominoes. 

“Goddammit, Chop! What the fuck are ya doin’ layin’ in the middle of the bloody field?” That’s when I realize Lizzard’s at the top of the pile. 

Chop’s voice is muffled from under Lizzard’s legs. “Ya need to watch where ya fuckin’ walkin’, man!” 

We get ourselves up and sorted. Chop makes a big show of rubbing his side and limping around. Archie freaks out that his glasses might be broken (they’re not). While I feel my forehead and look around at the ground near us, it’s easy to figure out the cause of the tenderness above my brow: the bottles of water Lizzard bought. The four of us stumble around trying to pick them up, and it’s not that easy now the field is getting crowded again. 

“Oy, almost forgot!” Lizzard says as he passes me a bottle. “I saw Little Al.” 

My head snaps up. “Was Rae with him?”

He takes his bloody time answering, opening his bottle first and taking a big gulp. Finally, he shakes his head. “He said she went off on her own.” 

Me and Archie exchange a look, his brows furrowed like my own. “What, was he just alone then?” Archie asks.

Lizzard’s mouth moves but the words are drowned out by a chorus of cheers and thundering drum beats. I look at the screen: Ocean Colour Scene are on stage. They start playing a song I recognize but can’t remember the name of. They were one of the only opening acts I was looking forward to, but I couldn’t care less right now.

I shake my head to tell Lizzard I can’t hear him and tilt my ear to his mouth. Archie and Chop move in closer on either side of me, trying to listen, too.

“He was with some girl. Looked real cozy with her, too. She had massive…” He brings his arms out in front of his chest to mime big boobs. 

“Damnit,” Archie spits. “Something doesn’t feel right.”

“No, it don’t,” I say. “Where’d ya see him?” 

Lizzard tries to tell us, but Ocean Colour Sound reaches a high point in their song (whatever it’s called) and the crowd reaches another level of loud. Lizzard rolls his eyes and waves his hand for us to follow him. We walk in the direction of the stage, shoving through hordes of people who yell curses as we pass. Lizzard stops and points to the left side of the field. I squint my eyes, trying to see through the technicolor lights. In the distance, I can make out Little Al’s thin shape pressed up against a curvy girl much shorter than him. He’s got his hands on her hips and he’s leaning into her neck, saying something that makes her throw her head back and laugh. 

I drop the water and charge through the crowd. The only thing I care about is getting my hands on this bloody bastard and shaking him until he tells me what I need to know. I don’t even bother waiting to see if the others are behind me. I need to know what happened to Rae and where she went. I need to know what he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for an action-packed next chapter!  
> Thank you so much for staying patient with me--I promise, we will get to some great Rae/Finn content soon.  
> I love writing it and I hope you guys will stick with me, because I think/hope you'll like it, too!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Little Al have an explosive confrontation.

I start shouting as I get closer, yelling, “Hey! Hey!” Finally, he turns and smiles that stupid smile when he recognizes me. Seeing his smug face pushes me over the edge and all I can see is a target on his body. 

“Finn!” He untangles himself from the girl and holds his hands out like he wants to fucking hug me or somethin’. Instead, I hold my own arms out and shove him. Hard. He stumbles and knocks into a group of middle-aged couples. I charge through the opening and keep on him, pushing against his chest like he weighs nothin’, ‘til we’re passed the girl he was feelin’ up, passed the 40-year-olds, and in a shadowed spot where a few guys are sitting in the grass and passing a spliff. They’re so stoned they barely blink when we come rumbling into their space.

“What’d ya do?” I demand. I’ve been boxing with Dad since secondary school and I get into my stance without even thinking. Left foot forward, right leg back. Ready to attack. 

“What the fuck, Finn?” He’s got a couple inches on me, sure, but it don’t matter. Nothin’s takin’ me down. I’m a fuckin’ statue. 

“What’d ya do to her? Where is she?” I yell. 

Al shakes his head. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ ‘bout! Calm the fuck down, mate!”

“I’m not your fuckin’ mate! Where’s Rae?” My right hand curls up; I don’t even realize I’m making a fist until I feel the ache in my knuckles from where the torn skin pulls. 

Al shakes his head like he’s confused. “I don’t know where Rae is. She just took off.” 

“Why’d she do that? What would make her just run off?” 

He shrugs and looks down at the ground. “Don’t know.” He’s a fuckin’ liar, I know it. 

I don’t even think. I just pull my arm back and let go, feel the sting when it connects with Little Al’s cheek. My arm feels like a firework, like an explosion, energy just bursting and lighting up. I didn’t even use my full force--just a little pop to throw him off and know I’m not messin’ around. 

He starts stumbling back but I grab him by the collar and pull him so he stays standing.

“Finn.” Archie’s voice. I glance back and see the other lads behind me. I’ve got no idea how long they’ve been there. Archie’ got his palms out, like he’s trying to tell me to calm down. 

I ignore them and turn back. I stare into Little Al’s tiny, dark eyes. “Tell me what you did.”

Al’s left cheek is red, little pools of purple already starting to show beneath the surface. He rubs at his face and groans. 

“Jesus Christ! What the fuck’s it got to do with you, anyway? Oy, fellas, can I get some help, here?” He looks past me, and I turn both of us so we’re facing the lads. None of them move to help Al. 

“I think you should tell him,” Archie says, his jaw set squarely. 

“Yeah, mate, just tell us what happened,” Lizzard adds. 

Little Al squirms from under my hand. “Chop, mate, help me out. Finn’s lost his bloody mind!” He grabs at his face each time he speaks and I’m not embarrassed to admit how good it makes me feel to know I’m the reason he’s in pain. 

Chop’s Little Al’s closest friend here. I can see why Al would think Chop would help him out, but he underestimates how much Chop cares for Rae. 

Chop stands the furthest away from the scuffle, his arms crossed. “Don’t know what ya mean, mate. I don’t see anythin’.”

I can tell from the way Little Al’s body slackens that he’s given up. “Fine, just let me go.”

I consider it for a second, realize it’s four against one if he tries to run, and finally let him go. 

After he takes a few steps away from me and smooths down his shirt, he finally speaks. “Look, I didn’t do anythin’, alright? We kissed, that’s all. When I touched her, she freaked out and said she had to check on something. She mentioned needing a phone, I think. She’s mental!” 

“You didn’t follow her? Make sure she was a’right?” Archie asks. 

“Seriously? I didn’t come to Knebworth to look after some crazy girl. And why would she even want me to go after her? She ran away.”

I knew he was an idiot the first day I met him. I knew he was an arsehole when he made that stupid comment about Rae’s tits. But he’s an even bigger piece of shit than I suspected.

“Where’d you touch her?” I move in, Archie and the others following my lead. The stoners are watching us now like we’re the main act and not Oasis. 

Little Al puts his arms out, palms facing me. His eyes dart back and forth between us. “Her hip and her neck. That’s it, I swear. She’ll tell ya the same. When I went to touch her tit, she freaked.” 

“That better be it.” I get as close to his face as I can and lower my voice so the stoners can’t hear. “If I find out otherwise, you best get yourself as far away from Rae and from me as ya can. Take a train, take a plane, take a bloody boat. I never wanna see ya dirty face again. Yeah?” 

When he doesn’t answer, I cock my fist and bring my arm back like I’m about to whack him again. He flinches and stumbles back with his arms raised over his head. 

He looks small and pathetic. I lower my arm and ask again, louder this time. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, yes! Jesus, I get it.” 

Archie steps forward next to me. “C’mon Finn. It’s done.” I look from Archie to Al, turn and see the other lads standing there, and take a few deep breaths until my arm doesn’t feel like it’s on fire anymore. 

I nod. “Yeah, alright,” and start walking in the opposite direction, already knowing that I need to be the one to find Rae. 

I don’t turn back again, but the last thing I hear is Chop telling Little Al he would need to find his own way home because he wasn’t letting him in his fuckin’ car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Weekend, loves!   
> Those of you who love a jealous, protective Finn should have been satisfied with this turn of events.   
> Stay tuned on V-Day--next chapter will be up then!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lads make a plan to find Rae.

“Finn! Hey, Finn!”  
“Slow the fuck down!”  
“Wait up, man!” 

They call after me, but I can’t stop. I’m so high on adrenaline and rage and maybe a little bit of fear that I’m surprised I’m not actually sprinting. Even if I’m not running, the other lads are, because they catch up to me and I feel a hand on my bicep, pulling me to a stop. 

“Finn, wait for us!” Archie gasps.

Chop and Lizzard jog up next to us, the three of them catching their breath while I pace around in the small space we have between groups of people dancing to Ocean Colour Scene. Then it’s like all that energy that was coursing through my arm when I punched Al travels through the rest of my body. I explode. 

“Ya don’t get it,” I yell. “This is my fault! I had a feelin’ that twat was trouble and I didn’t say anythin’ and I didn’t try to stop her when she left.”

They look stunned. I get it. I’d rather stay quiet, stay in the background. That’s what I usually do. I’m not a talker like Archie and I’m not a clown like Chop. I hate makin’ a big show of how I’m feelin’ and what I’m thinkin’. Before Rae showed up, it felt like I barely talked at all when we went out. 

Archie takes a step toward me and shouts to be heard over the music. “Finn, it’s not your fault!” 

As he says the last word, the music dies down and the crowd cheers; I look at the screen and see the band waving and jogging off the stage. The colorful stage lights turn off, replaced by the giant overhead beams that illuminate the field and signal the start of another break between sets. Only two more bands before Oasis. 

Archie starts again, this time at a normal volume. “It’s not your fault, Finn. I didn’t like Al either, and I didn’t say anything. I didn’t think he’d end up being such a bastard.” 

Lizzard and Chop come closer, so the four of us are like four points in a square. 

“Little Al’s a wanker, man, but I really don’t think he’d hurt her,” Lizzard says. 

“He’d better not have,” I reply. I clench my fist instinctively, my knuckles screamin’.

“If he has, he’s gonna need a fuckin’ ambulance, I’ll tell ya that,” Chop says roughly. He throws a fist into his other hand like it’s a baseball in a glove. “I want the first whack at him.”

“I got second,” Lizzard says.

Archie, looking around at our faces and fiddling with his glasses, joins in. “Normally, I’d be against physical violence...But in this case…” He pauses dramatically, then breaks into a giant smirk. “Yeah, I’ll help ya wreck him.”

We all laugh at Archie’s show of toughness, even me. They’re good friends for trying to help. Finding Rae is what’s most important, and it’s better to have their help then it is to push ‘em away. 

“Alright, let’s make a plan,” I announce.

“Al told us Rae wanted to make a call. I saw some pay phones back near the gates.” Archie points way off in the distance.

“I can check there,” I say quickly. Even though I want their help, I’m still hoping to be the one to find her. “Someone should check near the toilets and the food. And I also think one of you should stay near the flagpole in case she goes there lookin’ for us.” 

Chop speaks up first. “I can hang out at the flagpole. If Raemundo shows, I’ll keep her in good spirits.”

“Me and Arch can check by the toilets and stands. Yeah?” Lizzard looks to Archie, who nods. 

“We meet back at the flagpole, yeah?” 

The lads all nod. Now that there’s a plan, the pit that’s been in my stomach since Rae left with Little Al feels the tiniest bit smaller. 

“Alright. Let’s go, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this on 2/14, Happy Valentine's Day!  
> If you're not, I'm still sending you lots of love!  
> Thank you for reading and sticking with this massive story that just keeps getting longer longer...lol  
> We're getting soo much closer to Rinn content, I promise!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While searching for Rae, Finn reflects on the first time they met.

I really thought she’d be at the phones. I got no clue who’d she be ringing (Chloe? Her mum?), but I thought I’d walk up and she’d just be there. Now that I’ve gone up and down the row of phones (twice), I feel like an idiot. Don’t know why I believed Little Al. 

It’s ridiculous, but I start turning in circles, hopin’ I’ll get lucky and spot her. But all I see are couples necking and friends laughing and snapping photos on Polaroids or disposable cameras. I’m about to turn back and start walking to the center of the field to meet the others, hoping she’ll at least be with them, when I notice the parking area in the distance, past the phones and through the main gate. What have I got to lose? 

It’s a long walk to the car. Lots of time to think. I start remembering when Rae joined our gang. The first time we met was over a month ago now, and it’s strange because some days it hits me how little I know about her life, but then again, it also feels like she’s always been around. 

I’ve been such a dick to her, right from the beginning. I’m not the sort to just become best mates with someone right away--How do I know they’re not a maniac or an idiot or a fan of bad pop music? When Chloe brought her round the pub, I didn’t know what to think of her, this outsider trying to break into our gang. She definitely caught my attention though, ‘specially in that leather jacket. She just looked so different from other girls I knew. Then the next day, when she grabbed that coin from me and wouldn’t back down, I knew I was in trouble. I thought, This girl’s either gonna be a huge pain in the arse or the best person I’d ever met. Turns out, she’s both. 

I’ve finally made it to the far end of the field, where rows upon rows of cars are parked on the grass. I keep walking, thankful I’ve stayed sober enough to remember where we parked. Nearly there. After I make sure I don’t need to kill Al the fuckin’ dickhead, the next thing I’m gonna do is apologize to Rae for given’ her such a hard time. 

My mind drifts again to her standing in the pub the first day. Then I’m remembering us in the pub again just a few days ago, drinking pints, Rae laughing loudly. She was starin’ at me and I called her out on it. I didn’t want her to stop, though. Not really. I think I was just afraid my Irish cheeks were on fire and she’d notice. I feel them burnin’ now, thinkin’ ‘bout the black hair framing her face, the t-shirt tight around her chest, tight around the curve of her hips. I’m so distracted, I don’t realize I’ve come to the row I need until I’m a quarter of the way down it.

I shake my head and it feels like I’m waking up from sleep. I see something half-way down. It’s not as bright over here. I walk a few more steps and squint. A person sitting on the grass, alone, leaning against the bumper of a car, legs straight out. A few more steps. Red Keds in the moonlight. 

It’s like she came out of my dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The suspense!!  
> Next chapter will be HUGE, promise!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An EPIC chapter: Finn and Rae reunite at Knebworth and some important truths are revealed.   
> Side note: Thank you to everyone for reading! This story hit 500 hits today and my other story "Back to Stamford" hit 800!   
> I cannot believe so many people are reading from all over the world. I'm so appreciative <3

She’s got her head down. Is she crying? I get closer and realize, no, she’s not crying. She’s sitting against my car writing in a notebook. She brought a book to a concert? Jesus, maybe it’s true: I’m not smart enough for her. She’s so focused on her writing, she doesn’t hear me.

I clear my throat. “Found ya,” I say loudly. 

She startles, looks up and quickly closes the book and stuffs it in the backpack next to her.

“Finn? What the hell are ya doin’ here?” 

“Lookin’ for you! The others are back there searchin’ the whole bloody field for ya!” Big surprise she’d be annoyed with me. I’d rather she be pissed than sad, so that’s a good sign. 

She looks surprised. “They are?”

I shake my head and laugh a little. Damnit, It’s fuckin’ cute how clueless she is sometimes. She doesn’t even realize she’s the glue keepin’ our gang together. 

I sit down in the cool grass. There’s a crinkly noise when my bum hits the ground. I lift myself up and pull two empty crisps packets from underneath me and toss them aside before settling in. 

Rae’s eyes go wide and she shakes her head, gesturing towards the litter. “Some people really are disgusting.” 

I just shrug. I’m more interested in inspecting her than worrying about garbage. She doesn’t look hurt, least not on the outside. Her clothes are on straight, no rips. I can’t see her arms of course, cuz they’re covered by her sleeves, but her face looks smooth and clear. No scrapes, cuts, or bruises. I watch as she fiddles with the edges of her sleeves and scratches at her left wrist. I look at her cheeks and wonder how soft they must be to touch. Not the first I’ve thought of that. 

“We saw Al. He said you’d left.”

Rae snorts and rolls her eyes. “Let me guess: He either had his head in some girl’s boobs or he was tryin’ to get his head in some girls’ boobs?”

I laugh. “How’d ya know?” 

“Lucky guess,” she says dryly, casting her eyes back down. 

I pick at the grass. “So, did anything happen between you two?”

She looks up at me from under the lids of her dark, beautiful eyes. “What’s it to you?” 

Usually I fuckin’ love this kind of banter, but not when I can’t tell if some wanker’s had his hands on her in unwelcome places. I shake my head, set my eyes on hers so she knows I’m serious. “We were worried ‘bout ya. Rae, did he…” I’m not sure how to say it, and I’m in knots about how she’ll answer. She watches me, waiting. “Did he hurt you?”

“Hurt me?” She asks, confused.

“Did he try anything on you? Ya know--” I pause, my voice as gentle as I can make it--”anything ya didn’t want him to do?”

Her face rearranges into shock and mortification as she realizes what I’m asking. She shakes her head quickly. “No, no. He’s a giant turd of flamin’ shit. It was pretty clear he only wanted one thing from me, but he didn’t do anything like that. I can handle him.” She gives me a reassuring half-smile. 

I let out a breath of relief and chuckle. “I bet you can.” Still, I know what that “one thing” is that he wanted. Makes my insides burn. Makes me wish I’d hit him harder. 

In the distance, music starts up again. There weren’t a lot of people hanging out over here, but the ones that were rush past us, hurrying to make it back to the main field. A voice announces The Chemical Brothers. We’re too far away to see the screens, but the band must’ve taken the stage because it sounds like the crowd starts goin’ crazy. Another band I wanted to see. Ah, well. 

Rae picked a perfect spot to escape. It feels good to sit in the grass and lean against the car. All the noise is dulled by the distance and the light’s not as bright. For the first time in hours, I finally relax some. With Rae next to me, I can breathe and feel the coolness of the night. 

“Is Rhiannon enjoying the music?” Rae’s voice has a sharp edge that cuts right through my peaceful mood.

I try to keep my face neutral and not show how much I like the hint of jealousy in her voice. “She left ages ago.”

“Yeah?” She sounds surprised. “How come?”

“You heard her. They weren’t here for the music.” 

“But what about you?” She stops scratching at her wrist. I stop picking at the grass. 

“What about me?” 

“I mean, you’re not together?” 

“What’s it to you?” I shoot back. 

Her eyes narrow. We stare at each other for a beat before I turn my lips up to let her know I’m just messin’ with her. 

“No, we’re not together. We’re not anything.” 

Rae looks confused, like she’s trying to figure out a math problem that’s not adding up. “But, why not? She was all over you.”

“She’s not my type.” What I’m really sayin’ is, “She’s not you.” I don’t know if Rae can see the truth in my eyes, but her mouth opens like she wants to say something more, but she closes it instead and looks at me like she’s never seen me before. 

I don’t want to spend another minute of our time alone together talking about Rhiannon, so I change the subject. “Al said you had to make a call?”

She blinks a few times. Sounds distracted when she answers and stutters, “Uh, yeah. I, uh, had to check on something--someone.”

“They alright?” 

She nods. “Yeah. They’re alright.” 

“Good, good.” I look around and open my hands. “So...Why are we still here, then?”

She thrums her fingers on her thighs. “Just needed a bit of space. It’s packed tighter than a can of tuna back there.”

“Right ‘bout that,” I laugh. “But, Oasis should be on in a few. We should get goin’.” I cock my head towards the way back and stand. Rae just sits there.

“C’mon. We’re gonna need to hurry or we’ll be stuck smelling shit by the toilets.” Still, she doesn’t move. 

“You go ahead,” Rae tells me. 

She serious? After all I’ve gone through to find her, she thinks I’m just gonna walk away?

“Rae, I’m not leavin’ without ya.” I sit back down beside her. 

“What are ya doin’? Just go. I’m fine, really. It doesn’t matter if I’m there.”

I lean my back against the car and get comfortable. “‘Course it matters. If you’re stayin’, I’m stayin’. Woulda been nice to see Oasis, though, since we’ve come all this way.”

Rae shakes her head. Her cheeks look red, her eyes watery. Shit. I didn’t mean to make her feel guilty. I just wanna go back to the concert with her and have fun. I wanna sing and dance until we’re sweaty, smelly messes. And I wanna know what’s really goin’ on with her, ‘cause even though she says nothing happened with Little Al, she’s not tellin’ me something. 

I shift my body so I’m facing her head-on. “Rae, what’s really goin’ on?” I ask softly.

She won’t even look at me, just keeps staring down at her hands and scratching her wrist. I wanna shake her until she talks to me. 

I raise my voice, louder than I’ve ever spoken to her before. “What is it, Rae? Bloody hell, just tell me!”

She whips her face up and I see tears welling in her eyes. “I had a panic attack, you fuckin’ prick! I had a panic attack, alright?” She rubs at her eyes with the heel of her hand.

I lean back like she’s slapped me. I’ve heard of panic attacks from the telly, during those annoying daytime programmes, but I don’t really know much about ‘em.

“Rae, I--I’m sorry. I don’t--I mean...What’s that like?” 

“What’s it like to have a panic attack?” I don’t think she expected me to wanna know more. But I wanna know everything about her. 

I nod and watch as she wipes again at her eyes, which are no longer leaking, just a little glassy. 

“It feels like I’m dyin.” Her breath shutters as she says those words, like she’s reliving it all over again, and I feel like such a shit for putting her through this. But her voice steadies as she goes and starts to sound stronger with every word. “It feels like everything’s closing in on me and the ground’s shaky and my legs are jelly and I’m gonna pass out. It feels like I can’t breathe. But not just that—like I’ll never be able to breathe again.” 

I imagine myself feeling the way she just described. “That sounds awful,” I tell her. “Does it happen a lot?”

“It’s gettin’ better. But it still happens more than I’d like.” 

“What made ya feel that way tonight?”

Rae shifts in her seat and suddenly looks even more uncomfortable than she did a few moments ago. 

“I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I didn’t mean to--”

“No, it’s a’right,” she interrupts. She takes a deep breath. “Al kissed me.” She looks up, her eyes searching my face (to see my reaction? I probably look like shit ‘cause that’s how it feels thinkin’ ‘bout Al kissin’ Rae). “When he touched me and I saw so many people around, I started thinkin’ about how they were probably watchin’ and I didn’t even wanna kiss him, and it just...It was too much.” She wipes at her face and looks away.

I feel like such a knobhead. Not just because I’m bringing up all this painful stuff for her, but also because while she’s tellin’ me all this painful stuff I’m sittin’ here tryin’ not to smile like a fool because of how much it thrills me to hear her say she didn’t wanna kiss that idiot. 

“I could curl him up if ya want” I say with a mischievous wink. “Just tell me. I’d be more than happy to do it.” 

I succeed in making her laugh a real Rae laugh. “Nah. Ya can’t just attack every bloke who crosses me.”

“I can’t?”

She laughs again, points to my hand. “No! Your bloody hand’ll fall off eventually.” 

It’s a joke, but she’s not far off; my right knuckles are bright red, the scabs gruesome and like something from a gory movie scene, and the top of my hand is starting to bruise. It was worth it.

“Suppose you’re right ‘bout that.” I try to think of something to say that’ll convince her to come back to the concert. A breeze blows and with it come the cheers of people clapping for The Chemical Brothers as they finish their set. Only one more act to go before Oasis. I got to think of something to get Rae back to the concert or she’ll regret it. Being this close to Oasis and not even seein’ ‘em? If she had a panic attack, I guess the only thing to do is figure out how to make it go away.

“So, how do ya stop ‘em?” I ask.

When Rae looks at me confused, I clarify, “The panic attacks. How do ya stop ‘em when they start?” 

“Oh.” She hesitates. Something in her eyes makes me think that she knows the answer but isn’t sure she wants to tell me. I’m about to tell her it’s alright, we don’t have to go on ‘bout it anymore, but then she mutters something under her breath. Sounds like “What the hell.”

“I see a therapist,” she says slowly, “He’s a pain in the arse, but he gives me tips, like how I should count to ten or put my hands on something solid to steady myself. They usually help.”

I sit on it for a few seconds until an idea hits me like a lightning bolt. “Tell ya what.” I take her hand (warm, insanely soft) and place it on top of my own on the grass. “I got my hand on the ground, you got your hand on me. Doubly solid.” I smile at her and thank bloody Christ she smiles back. “We’ll stay like this as long as you want. And you’ll keep me from punching any lads I don’t like...like that bastard over there.” I point to a man who looks to be in his 50’s with a scruffy beard, wearing wearing tan shorts and a white shirt with a big blue parrot playin’ a guitar on the front. “Who the fuck wears a Jimmy Buffet shirt to an Oasis concert?” 

We both laugh long and hard. She keeps her hand on mine, and I have to think about moldy fruit cakes to keep myself from getting too excited knowing our hands are touching. I guess I’m touchy with all my girl friends—Chloe’s sat on my lap lots of times when we’re all hangin’ out. But there’s something about touching hands or holding hands that’s different. It’s just for couples. A sign of something deeper, more romantic than friendship. It's definitely sexier, that’s for sure. 

When we finally stop laughing, Rae turns serious and looks at me with pleading eyes. “Finn, can you please not tell the others about me seeing a therapist and about the panic attacks? I’ll tell ‘em, I promise, I just wanna tell ‘em when the time’s right.”

“It’s your business to tell,” I say simply. 

Relief washes over her face, but it’s just as quickly replaced with discomfort. She rubs her leg with her free hand (her other hand is still on mine, and my entire arm feels tingly and alive, and I have to keep very still or I’m afraid I’ll spook her or take things a step too far and turn my hand over to weave my fingers with hers).

“You must think I’m such a weirdo,” Rae says. It’s so plain, like she’s said the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Why would I think that?” If she thinks I’m gonna judge her for having panic attacks and seeing a shrink, I must come off as a total and complete arsehole. 

“Seriously Finn? I have panic attacks. I freak out and run away. I see a bloody therapist! And...you don’t even know. I’m mad, crazy!” 

I want to laugh because she’s being so ridiculous, but I know she believes every horrible word she says. It’s infuriating that she doesn’t know how alike we are. If she knew, maybe she wouldn’t be so bloody angry with me for not thinking she’s a nutter. 

“Rae, I don’t think you’re crazy. Or weird.” I turn to her. Our hands shift apart. I look down, move my palm so the side of my hand brushes against hers. I see her look down and take in the sight of our hands touching again--I can tell she recognizes it’s not a mistake. She knows I put my hand there. My heart starts beating faster when our eyes lock. “Everyone struggles. I don’t think you’re mad. I think you’re really fuckin’ strong.” She smiles, her eyes and nose wrinkling. I’m not done making her see the truth. She told me about her. She deserves to know about me. 

“Besides, I used to see a therapist.” 

You’d think I’d dropped a bomb on her head. 

She triple--no quadruple--blinks. “What?! No.”

“It was after my mum died.” 

Rae’s face falls. “Oh Finn, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

I smile sympathetically. How could she have known? I never talk about mum, and Archie’s the only one who knows I saw a therapist when I was a kid. “It was a long time ago. I was eight. When she died, I kinda stopped talking.” Fuck. My jaw feels creaky, like the spine of an old book no one’s opened in centuries. Rae’s the only person who could get me talkin’ this much. Talking about it feels like speaking a different language, one I don’t know well enough. But after listening to Rae, the more I talk it sounds like a language she speaks, too.

“My dad didn’t know what to do. My Nan was the one who convinced him to take me. Her name was Judy. I remember she had really curly hair. The curliest hair I’d ever seen.” I hover my hands above my head, mimicking the height of Judy’s hair as I remember it. I start remembering other things about Judy, things I haven’t thought about in ages. “She was really nice. And she always wore purple trainers. She had toys in her office that I played with while we talked, like army men and a toy drum. Your therapist have anything like that?”

With a sweet smile she says, “No, I wish. I’d probably enjoy going a lot more.” 

I laugh at Rae’s joke and keep smiling as I remember the warm comfort of Judy’s office. The fluffy blue rug I sat on while I played. The big bowl of lollies on her desk and how I’d reach my dirty hand inside at the end of every visit as a reward. 

“How long did you see her?” Rae asks.

I let out a long breath while I try to remember. “A few months? Maybe a year? Honestly, I don’t remember. I just remember being scared to go at first, but then liking it a lot. I don’t even know what we talked about, but I know I started talkin’ again. I joined Scouts and met Archie, started playin’ football and made some more friends there.” 

I think about a photo we have of me on the pitch with the rest of my teammates when I was about 9 or 10. My hair was lighter, my freckles darker. I’m so tiny and scrawny. Just a kid. I remember taking that photo and feeling excited to look around and see I was part of a group. I knew I wasn’t like the others, that I’d never be--they all had their mums, they didn’t need to see Judy and they didn’t have such a bloody hard time speaking just a few words. But I at least knew I wasn’t alone anymore. 

“I think I was just lonely, ya know?” 

Rae watches me closely for a beat. “Yeah. I know,” Rae says quietly. 

She looks at me like she’s seeing me for the first time. I can feel her taking me in with her eyes, and I suddenly feel like I’m on display and start second-guessing everything I just poured out. Finally, Rae turns away and looks off to the stage where The Bootleg Beatles are probably nearing the end of their set. Last one before Oasis.

“It’s be pretty stupid to come all the way to Knebworth and not see Oasis, huh?” Her face scrunches up and she’s got this little twinkle in her eye, like she’s up to somethin’.

I give her a lazy grin. “‘Suppose so.”

“Hmmm…” She nods, still looking at me with those fuckin’ bright eyes that drive me wild.

“Tell ya what.” I turn my grin into a sly smile, try to match her twinkle. “If ya wanna leave, ya just give me a signal or say the word, and we’re gone. Don’t matter when. One song in, half a song in. You tell me and we go.”

Maybe I am a little off my nut because I really want her to say, Let’s leave now. Everything feels so perfect in this moment. We’re close to something bigger, so close I think I can see the shadow of it in the way our hands touch, and in the shine of Rae’s eyes, and the inky darkness of her hair that melts perfectly in the clear night sky. Maybe I’m not off my nut, maybe I’m just in--

“Alright.” Rae stands, throws her backpack on and casually passes her hand over her bum to brush off any grass or dirt (of course I saw. Of course I was looking at her bum. Again). She looks down at me and smiles widely, holds her hand out, her face expectant and open. 

I grab her hand and let her help pull me up. We’re standing so much closer than we would be otherwise. So close I hear the short breaths she’s takin’ and I’m worried she can hear my heart beatin’. We look at each other and laugh a little nervously before glancing down and away. I’ve been around plenty of girls before. I don’t know why I feel so fuckin’ nervous around her.

I nod in the direction of the music. “Let’s go, girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys...!!!!  
> I really really really hope I delivered on my promise of an epic chapter.  
> A few things:  
> 1\. Did you notice the crisps packets and think Rae was the one who ate them while she was alone? If so, you were right!  
> 2\. What do you think happened to Finn's mom? It's never said in the show and most of the fics I've read imply that she left the family, but I've always assumed she died.   
> 3\. I really love the idea of Finn having experience with therapy. He's such an observant, loving character, and I like to think that part of that comes from having struggled with his own issues in the past--loss, loneliness. What do you guys think?
> 
> FYI: There is SO much more to come! I have over 21,000 words written (!!!) and still more to go, but I am SO excited about what's to come.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the moment the gang's been waiting for: Oasis!   
> Will the music bring Finn and Rae closer?

“Raemundo!” Chop envelopes Rae in a bear hug. “We missed ya, girl!” The others crowd around her, so excited to see us you’d think we were the Gallagher brothers. The smile never leaves Rae’s face. While she’s distracted, Archie and I make eye contact and I give him a quick nod so he knows Rae’s okay. 

We’ve gotten back to the main field just as Bootleg Beatles are waving their goodbyes. People around us scatter for a final break before Oasis.

“Listen, Rae.” Chop sounds so deadly serious we all go silent. “If some fucker ain’t no friend to me friends, then he ain’t no friend to me, yeah? So, Little Al ain’t no friend to me.” 

“Jesus, Chop, you speak in fuckin’ riddles,” Lizzard interrupts. He pushes Chop aside and faces Rae. “Al’s a fuckin’ dick. We’re done with him and we’re sorry you ever met him.” 

“That’s what I said!” Chop pushes Lizzard back and throws his hands up, annoyed. 

Rae steps between them, puts a hand on each of their chests and regards them with a mix of bemusement and affection. “No fighting!” She smiles, her eyes warm. “You’re both excellent mates. Thank you.” Chop and Lizzard practically melt under her gaze. She lowers her hands, but points to each of them seriously. “Now, don’t kill each other while I go to the toilet.” She turns to me and Archie. “You two keep ‘em in line. We’re not missin’ Oasis ‘cause of some knobheads.” Maybe I’m imagining it, but I think she’s only looking at me when she flashes a cheeky little grin before dashing off towards the portable toilets. 

Once she’s out of range, Chop scowls at Lizzard and gives him the finger. Lizard gives him the finger back, then the two of them laugh and do a half-hug/half-high-five, and all looks to be squashed. 

“She seems a’right, don’t she?” Chop asks.  
I nod. “Yeah, yeah, I think she’s a’right.” I stuff my hands in my pockets and look down at my trainers.

“Did she say anything about Al? If anything happened?” Archie and the others look to me, waiting to hear all the details. 

I shrug, keep my hands in my pockets. Stay casual, Nelson. “I mean, I think he was handsy, like he told us. But Rae said he didn’t hurt her or anythin’ like that. She put a stop to it.” 

The lads nod lazily, taking it in. “Well, that’s good news,” Lizzard says.

“Al’s still a twat, though” Archie shakes his head. “She runs off and he just goes and finds another girl?” His face twists up in a self-righteous grimace I’ve seen plenty of times in the years we’ve been mates. 

“Where’s she been if she weren’t with Al?” Chop asks. 

Again, they all turn to me. “Uh, I think she was just walkin’ around. She’d been to the phones, like we thought. Callin’ her mum to check in, I think.” 

Lizzard and Chop seem to accept that as enough of an answer, but Archie looks at me for a few seconds like he’s thinkin’ ‘bout asking more. Then, Chop points out a poor, pissed as fuck bastard some yards away who’s dropped his trousers to piddle right there in the field. We all watch as a couple of security guards approach and try to make him pull up his trousers mid-stream. I’m glad for the distraction; I don’t want to lie to Archie--and so far, I haven’t (technically)--but I meant what I said to Rae. It’s her business to tell. 

The field gets noisy and hot again. People crowd around us, leaving little space. I start getting antsy, bobbing around in our section and looking towards the toilets to see if I spot Rae coming back. 

“Raemundo better be peeing like lightning or she’s gonna miss the start.” Chop has to shout for us to hear. The energy in the field is starting to rev up--you can practically feel the anticipation coming off everyone like sweat.   
“Maybe someone should go look for her?” Lizzard yells.

“You crazy? We’re barely keepin’ the space we got,” Archie says, twisting his body to avoid colliding with a group of lads pushing their way through to the front. “She’ll be here.” 

The lights change. There’s a low rumble of clapping and yelling. When the stage lights turn on and the screens brighten, waves of noise start bouncing throughout the whole lot. Shit, where is she?! Why’s it take girls forever to use the toilet? My stomach drops when I suddenly consider a new possibility: What if she left? Maybe she was bullshitting me the whole time by the cars. She could’ve called for a ride and just been waitin’ for it to show. Maybe this was too much for her, with all these people here and the noise, and fuckin’ Al with his grabby hands. 

And me. Maybe I was too much. 

A few figures emerge from the back of the stage. Camera flashes pop and pop and pop from every direction. The screeches are deafening; Some girl from behind me screams, “I love you, Liam!” so loudly it feels like a pitchfork stuck through my ear. I can’t wait for them to start playing and drown out all the other noises, including the stream of thoughts in my bloody brain about Rae. 

Liam Gallagher’s face appears on the screens, his arms spread out towards us all as he encourages the cheering. The rest of the band make their way to their spots on stage. I know everyone loves Liam and Noel, but my favorite’s prolly Alan White, the drummer. I’m too far away to make out much of him on the stage, but with the screens I see him sitting down to the drum kit and twirling the sticks high above his head. 

Chop, Archie, and Lizzard are clapping and shouting. I look around and realize: This is it. Knebworth. Oasis, right bloody there in front of me. It all washes over me like a wave. I let myself get caught up in it and start shouting along with everyone else. 

Someone pushes into my right shoulder as the opening chords of “The Swamp Song” start. 

“Did I miss anything?” Rae shouts at me, her voice out of breath and her face shining with a thin layer of sweat.

I smile with relief. “Just in time!”

She looks up at the stage. Her eyes get huge, her whole face glowing in rainbow colors from the multicolor lights. She starts jumping up and down, squealing “Oh. My. God” over and over. 

I throw my arm around her shoulder and lean into her ear so she can hear me. “Calm down, Mae, we’re not at a Boyzone concert.” 

Rae laughs and pushes me away playfully, “Shut it!” 

I stumble and laugh along, watch her squeal and grab Archie’s arm, the two of them shaking each other and yelling with excitement. When Liam finally roars the words to “The Swamp Song” into the mic, I think the sky might actually split open. I’ve never been inside such noise. But it’s more than that. It’s the feeling of being a part of the noise, a part of this night with all these people, with my best mates. Sharing music, man-- There’s nothing else like it. No matter what happens in the next minute, the next hour, the next 100,000 hours, I could never forget this feeling. 

**************************************

My throat’s on fire from screaming, my armpits itchy with sweat, and I stink like a pub from the beer some bloke spilled on my shirt three songs ago. None of it matters, though, because we’re watching the best fuckin’ show I’ll probably ever see in my lifetime.

Oasis live is everything I thought they’d be. They’ve been playing for two hours already, but it’s felt like hardly any time. Not enough time at all. It’s been the night I wanted. We’ve danced and screamed and sang loudly and off-key (except for Rae. Everytime I can hear her from under the din of everything else, her voice has sounded like it was born to sing melodies). We’ve all been draped across each other, switching spots throughout the night and just acting like fools. We’re still working on a round of beers I bought earlier, but it’s not the drink that’s hypin’ us up. It’s the music and the friendship. I’ve loved every second.

But it’s clear the night’s winding down. Oasis just left the stage, but the crowd’s screaming out, demanding an encore. 

“Oh, they’ve got to come back out!” Rae yells from beside me. “They didn’t even play “Champagne Supernova!” She looks down sadly at her plastic cup of beer and takes a final gulp. I’ve asked her a couple times if she was okay, leaning in during moments when the lads were distracted, discreetly taking in the scent of her honey shampoo and a sweet, musky hint of sweat. Each time, she gave me a small nod and said she was fine. I like to think that being with all of us is making the difference and keeping the fear away. 

“They’re definitely comin’ back out,'' I say. I know “Champagne Supernova”is one of Rae’s favorite Oasis songs. 

“Yeah, no way they’re skipping that one,” Lizzard yells from the end of our little standing row. 

“They’re so incredible,” Rae gushes. “Even though we’re here, I still can’t believe we’re here. Does that make sense?”

As I answer, “Yes,” Archie answers “No.” Typical. The three of us shake our heads and laugh. I know exactly what Rae means. This whole night’s been surreal. Not just because we’ve been sharing the same air with the biggest band in the world, but because it’s been one of those nights that feels like a memory as it’s happening. 

“I wish Izzy was here.” Chop says it so softly I’m not sure if he even meant to say it out loud.

Rae turns to me and then Archie with big eyes, her brows raised, as though asking, Did he just say that? She sticks her head out and asks, “Just Izzy?”

Chop’s look of confusion tells me he’s got no clue what he’s just done. He seems ruffled for a second, then pulls himself together. “No, ya know, Izzy and Barney and Chlo! Whole gang should be here. Lads trips are dumb.”

“Yeah, sure,” Archie says. He and Rae share a look that tells me I was right about how obvious it is that Chop has a thing for Izzy. Poor bastard’s got it bad. I look at Rae, just a few inches from me, and understand for the first time what Chop must be feeling. 

“Look! Look!” Rae yells, pointing to the stage.

The band’s running back from the wings to the insane, delighted cheers of the crowd. I join in, clapping and hollering. 

“Thanks for a bang up night, Knebworth!” Liam’s voice reverberates around the field. “You been bloody brilliant! We got one last song for ya. Sing along if you know the words.” 

As soon as Noel starts strumming his Union Jack guitar and I hear the sound of ocean waves crashing against some unknown shore, I know it’s “Champagne Supernova.” Rae makes a funny sound--a squeal, mixed with a gasp, mixed with a contented sigh. I smile and steal quick glances at her. She’s singing along. We’re standing so close that I can make out Rae’s voice from the thousands of others. I still can’t believe what a great voice she’s got. After our conversation by the cars, I’m convinced that I need to know everything about her; I get the feeling there’s an endless amount I still gotta learn. 

Somewhere during the first chorus, I give up on watching the show and start watching Rae instead. I’m not even trying to hide it. I love how her eyes are bathed in the strobe lights every few seconds, and how when the light hits the top of her head, it looks like there’s a sheen of silver diamonds covering her black hair. I look down and see how close our hands are, how easy it would be to touch her hand like I did when we were by the cars. My arm starts to tingle with anticipation. I look up again, see her lips moving to the music: “Someday you will find me/ Caught beneath the landslide.” And then her head tilts down to see our hands tangled together, my fingers woven between hers. I keep my eyes on her face, watching as she meets my gaze. When I smile, she looks at me suspiciously before smiling back. She seems cautious, but doesn’t pull her hand away, even when I start to move my thumb in slow circles against her skin.

I move in closer to her ear. “Sounds even better live, don’t it?” I nod my head toward the stage.

She nods slowly, smiles. “Yeah. It’s incredible.”

I turn back to the stage and move my head in time to the music. I like the feel of her hand in mine. I could get used to it. We stay like that for the rest of the song, our hands clasped, our eyes on Oasis. It’s another memory taking shape, unforgettable and unlike any other I’ve got from the past 17 years of my life. 

The final note rings out. More cheers, more screams and claps that shake the ground and make my ears ring. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Rae glance down at our hands. Before I can say anything (What would I even say?), Lizzard bounces over and throws his arms around mine and Rae’s shoulders. It’s like he’s broken a spell; Rae quickly pulls her hand away.

“Fuckin’ incredible, eh?” Lizzard asks. 

“Yeah, brilliant,” Rae says absentmindedly.

Lizzard ruffles my hair. “Too bad the girls left, eh, Finn. We could’ve had an afterparty!” 

Rae’s face falls and her lips pucker like she’s tasted something sour. I shrug off Lizzard’s arm and pat my hair back into place. 

“Whatever, knobhead,” I say. 

Chop and Archie gather round and the five of us start walking towards the gates. We drop our empty beer cups in the nearest bin and try to weave our way through the hordes still standing around drinking and smoking, like they ain’t got a care in the world, like they think they own the bloody field. Rae’s as far away from me as she can get, all three lads between us. The three of ‘em are all going on about the concert, talkin’ ‘bout their favorite parts and which songs sounded better live. I join in to try to keep up, but Rae’s pretty quiet. I got no idea how we went from holding hands to me getting the silent treatment. Maybe Lizzard comin’ over made her realize she didn’t want to hold my hand after all. 

“Ah, finally!” Chop says as we approach our cars, parked beside each other in the quickly emptying lot. “My dogs are barkin’!” He collapses against his car, arms splayed over the roof, head resting against the driver’s door. 

Lizzard stops at my bumper. “Since Al’s not riding with yous, guess I’ll get in yours.” 

Shit. I hadn’t even realized it would just be me and Rae driving home together. Alone. 

When I hesitate, Lizzard put his hand on the passenger door. “That a’right, Finn? I’m on the way to yours.”

Rae looks between me and Lizzard. I scratch my head nervously. “Well, uh…”

Lizzard’s opening the door to my car, about to step in, when Archie pulls him back by the shoulder. 

“No way, you’re stuck with us,” Archie says. 

Lizzard and Chop stare at him, confused. “What’s up, Archie? He’s right, he’s on the way to Finn’s,” Chop says.

Archie looks between me and Rae, his eyes searching our faces. He knows. He must know. 

After a few beats that feel like an eternity, with Archie looking back and forth between mine and Rae’s faces, he finally smirks and pulls Lizzard back again, and says loudly, “There’s no way you’re leavin’ me with Chop to hear his shit stories alone.” 

Everyone except Chop laughs. “What?! I got the best stories, man!” Chop protests from his driver’s side door.

“Besides,” Archie says, “if Chop goes through the park he can drop you after me. Faster that way.” 

“Alright, alright. Guess I’m stuck with you lot,” Lizzard says as he steps away from the car. 

“Well, I guess this is goodnight,” Archie says to me and Rae. Archie pulls Rae in for a hug and gives me a look while his head is pressed against her hair. Best I can read it, I think he’s trying to say, “You owe me, wanker.”

Lizzard and Chop yell goodnight from inside Chop’s car. 

“Have fun,” Archie says with a wink before he gives a final wave and walks away. 

I bite down on my lip--a nervous tic I’m relying on a lot tonight--and shake my head. Bastard. Could he be more obvious?

Chop honks at us as they drive towards the long queue leaving the main gates. Rae stands outside my passenger door, both hands on her backpack straps. 

I open my door. “Ready?” I ask. 

That seems to bring her back from wherever she was in her mind. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another EPIC chapter!   
> In fact, I think from here on out the rest of the chapters will at least be *a little* epic :-)  
> This story was originally going to end here, with Finn and Rae either holding hands or kissing at the concert.   
> But then I imagined an entire second act that I'm excited to be writing!  
> There will be much more truth telling and little moments and big moments that will be super swoon-worthy, I hope!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Rae share an unexpected car ride.  
> (Apologies if I've been inaccurate with my geography and/or reggae details)

Thirty minutes in the car with a girl who can’t stand ya is fuckin’ brutal. 

This is our conversation:

Me: Are ya hot?   
Rae: No.   
Me: Are ya cold?   
Rae: No.  
Me: Can’t believe there’s not more traffic.  
Rae: Yeah. 

Usually she don’t shut up. Tonight, it’s one word answers. I don’t know if it was the hand holding or Lizzard saying that stupid thing about Rhiannon and the other girls, acting like I wanted them them to stay when I didn’t. But it’s like a bloody switch flipped and she’s gone dark on me. 

We’re on a black patch of road, still half-way to Stamford. I’m thinking about Rae and how everything got all fucked up, wondering if I should mention the hand holding and if I should apologize for it even though I’m not sorry. And what about the big speech I was gonna give to say I never meant to be such a dick to her? Should I even bother? It felt like we were in this magical bubble in the field, where we could say anything and now it’s--

“Finn! Stop!” Rae’s scream slices through the silence. I’ve been so in my own head I hadn’t noticed the dark outline of something on the road. At first I think it might be a large stone, but when I slam on my breaks and the headlights illuminate it, I see two small yellow eyes glowing back at us. A raccoon. It’s not alone. A whole bloody line of five raccoons stopped right in the middle of the road.

“Shit!” I yell.

Me and Rae turn to each other and ask at the same time, “You alright?” 

“Fine. You?” She asks.

“Good,” I reply.

We both turn back to watch the raccoons as they slowly stop and start across the road. 

“Did they bring the whole bloody garden with them?” I ask in disbelief. 

“It looks like a family,” Rae says.

The one in front is definitely the biggest, with each raccoon after the leader getting smaller. The last one at the end looks like a baby. 

“You think they’re comin’ from Knebworth, too?” I ask with a cheeky smile. 

Rae smiles back. “I bet they’re the reason the toilets smelled so bad.” 

“Nah. I’m pretty sure that was Chop.” 

We both laugh. I hear a horn and check my mirror; a few cars have lined up behind me. The last raccoon, the baby, finally makes it safely to the brush on the side of the road and we start moving again.

I need to pay more attention to the road, clearly. Even with my eyes where they should be, I see a flash of movement as Rae’s hand reaches the radio dial to turn it on. Thank you, Raccoon Family, for breaking the tension. With the radio on, it feels like there’s finally air in this car.

“I have some tapes in the glove compartment,” I say, hoping to draw her away from my Knebworth tape. We’re finally back on track and I don’t want anything to derail us, especially a certain 70’s Scottish band. 

The compartment clicks open. I hear the thwick thwick as she shuffles through the cassettes and CD cases. I can tell by the noises she makes as she flips through whether she approves or not. I guess she’s maybe coming around again to being my mate at least a little if she’s back to critiquing my taste in music. There are a few groans, which make me smile even more than the satisfied “mmhmm’s.”

As I’m making a wide left turn, driving us closer to the end of this night that I don’t want to end, there’s the familiar “click” and “whoosh” of a cassette sliding into the deck. A few seconds of silence and then drum beats followed by a man’s soulful bellow.

“Aww yeah,” I exclaim, turning up the volume. I start tapping my fingers against the steering wheel, my head moving to the offbeat rhythm. 

“What’s this?” Rae asks, her tone mocking. 

“This, Mae, is Toots and the Maytals,” I tell her smugly. 

“Toots and the what? Is this...Is this reggae?” She draws out the question, and even though I’m trying to pay attention to the road, I glance over quickly and see her face contorted into a mixture of disbelief and distaste. An interesting, though familiar, Rae expression. 

“Toots and the Maytals happen to be one of the pioneers of reggae,” I tell her, taking on the tone of Professor Archie himself. 

We come into some traffic, probably travelers and partiers coming and going from Peterborough Station, and I start weaving in and out of lanes trying to avoid slow as fuck drivers. 

“I can’t believe you listen to reggae,” Rae says. “It’s total crap.”

As I glance over my shoulder to switch lanes, I see her shake her head, but her coy smile tells me maybe she’s not completely turned off by it. Just as I’m focusing back on the road, there’s a movement from the corner of my eye--her hand heading straight for the eject button. 

“No” I say with a shake of my head, placing my hand over hers and guiding it to the space between our seats. “Ya need to give some things a chance. Ya might like it, ya know.” I realize our hands are still overlapping and the double meaning of what I’m saying isn’t lost on me...Is it lost on her? I don’t know, but I play it safe and move my hand back to the steering wheel. Same with my eyes, even though I really want to stare into hers until I see her telltale pink blush bloom across her face and down her neck. 

She groans a little as the song continues, but I go on. “Just relax and listen. Lean back.” She groans again. “Go on,” I tell her. To show her how it’s done, I lean back even further against my seat and rest my head against the backing. Traffic’s lessening, the road’s more open. I love this part of driving--when it’s just me and the car and the solid ground I’m drivin’ on. Reggae’s a great soundtrack for drivin’ in the summer. I just wish we were on my scooter instead, with Rae’s arms wrapped ‘round my waist. 

“The thing is, reggae’s all about community and connection,” I tell her. She rests her body back against her seat and closes her eyes. I start getting fired up, like I really am the Professor of Reggae at Music University. “There’s a call and response, so it’s like everyone’s a part of the experience. And there’s all these different drums reggae bands use, so even if ya think it all sounds the same it really don’t at all.” 

We pull up to a stop sign which gives me the perfect opportunity to end my lecture and check to see if I’ve finally talked myself into a hole. But when I look at her, I’m amazed to see that she’s smiling a genuine smile and tapping her hands to the beat. 

“I guess this song’s not so bad,” She says begrudgingly, her eyes still closed.

“So I’ve convinced you, then?” I ask triumphantly. 

Her eyes pop open. “I didn’t say that!” She goes back at me with her eyebrows raised, the last word coming out with a laugh.

I shake my head and accelerate. Nearly into Stamford now. Casually, I say, “You should come ‘round mine sometime. I can play ya some more crap reggae.” 

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” She says it half seriously but also half sarcastically, like maybe she thinks I’m joking.

“Seriously. What’re ya doin’ tomorrow?” 

“Tomorrow?” She asks. I can’t tell if she’s flustered because she wants to come to mine or because she doesn’t and she’s not sure how to get out of it. I’m willing to risk it, even if it’s just a pity hang.

“Yes, tomorrow,” I laugh. “Sunday. Day after today. Ya doin’ anythin?” 

I hear her flipping through the tapes again. “No, no, I’m not doin’ anythin’, I don’t think. Guess I can come ‘round yours.” 

I smile. “Cool.”

Did I just ask Rae out on a date? No, definitely not a date if she’s just comin’ over to listen to music and have some beers. But it’s close to a date. An almost-date. Dependin’ on how it goes, maybe a real date won’t be too far off. 

I still hear her nosing around in the tapes, so I take the hint and hit eject on the tape deck--don’t even need to look over, it’s just muscle memory. 

“Guess you’ve listened to your fair share for tonight. We can continue your musical education tomorrow,” I say with a smirk, dropping the Toots tape into the console next to me. 

“Ha ha,” Rae says, her breath coming out in heavy puffs. “Clearly you’re the one who needs some musical RE-education,” she continues, emphasizing the “re-” in “re-education.” 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I reply, shaking my head at her stubbornness but secretly enjoying her sexy, tough shell. 

“Let’s listen to some real music,” Rae announces. A few seconds later, “One to Another” crackles through the speakers. 

“Oh yeah!” I yell over the music. Rae laughs and we let out a roar in unison, loud and free and raw. We sing along to the next three songs. During each one, I try to sift out Rae’s voice from Tim Burgess’. It’s there, just under the raucous notes. In one swift movement, like a cat, I dart my hand out and turn the radio off right in the middle of the chorus of the fourth song. Rae belts out the words, perfectly on key. Her voice is so full it fills the car and I wonder if the Volvo in the land beside us can hear her through the open windows. 

She sings a few notes with abandon before stopping abruptly and turning to me, her eyes sharp. “What’d ya do that for?” She turns the volume up.

I turn the dial back down again. “You got some set of pipes.” 

Rae snorts and turns the volume up. “Yeah, okay.”

I lower the dial—again—so the music is just a background hum. “No, seriously Rae, you got an incredible voice. Have you ever sung before? Like in a choir or a band?” 

She looks horrified. “God, no! I could never sing in front of people.”

“You just sang in front of me. And you sounded bloody brilliant!” She draws her lips to one side of her face, obviously trying to hold back a smile. Why’s it so hard for her to see how amazing she is?

“I didn’t sing for you by choice. You tricked me, you bastard!” She doesn’t sound angry when she says it, more teasing. 

“Well, you should think about it,” I tell her, my eyes darting back and forth as I pass a driver on my left. “It’d be a right waste to stay quiet with a voice like that.” 

When I peek over, Rae has a soft smile on her face, her head tilted down, probably so I can’t see. Sneaky, sexy girl. 

“So, Alan White’s drumming is pretty perfect live,” she says suddenly, her voice bright and upbeat.

I groan playfully. “I know you’re tryin’ to change the subject. But I’ll let ya, cuz Alan White is fuckin’ mint!” I throw my head back and let out a loud bellow, drumming against the wheel in time to the music, pretending I’m Alan White behind a massive drum kit. 

Rae laughs at my terrible impression but I don’t mind. I lay off the talk about her singin’, and instead we start talking about all our favorite songs from the show, our favorite moments, and I even listen to her compare the looks of Damon Albarn and Liam Gallagher (apparently Damon “still” rules supreme. Whatever). We conveniently ignore both the hand touching by the car and the hand holding during “Champagne Supernova.” She tells me about a fight that broke out near the ladies toilets between two girls, one of whom supposedly snogged the other’s boyfriend. I describe the weeing man incident, much to her disgust. I don’t think we stop talking for the next thirty minutes. 

Before I know it, I’m turning into the driveway, headlights illuminating her square brick house. I don’t want this to end. Knowing I’ll be seeing her again on an almost-date in 12 hours makes it sting a little less. 

Rae gathers her backpack in her lap. “I don’t know how I’m gonna sleep tonight.” Her eyes sparkle in the trails of light flowing through the windows. 

I run a hand through my hair. “Ha, me too. I’ll probably be awake for hours, if I sleep at all.”

It’s been a long, strange day and I know I should be knackered, just ready to hit the bed and pass out. But I got so much adrenaline pumping through my veins and so many moments to turn over and over in my head before I can even think about closing my eyes. A wank is also very much needed, I reckon. 

Rae’s got her fingers around the door handle, her body half turned, when she suddenly swerves back. “Do you...I mean, uhm. Would you wanna come in for a bit and hang out? I could make a cuppa?” 

I’m so shocked by the invitation I don’t answer right away. In the brief silence, I can see the shift in her face as she starts to think she’s being rejected. 

“Sorry, I know it’s really late--” She starts.

“No,” I interrupt. “I mean, No, it’s not too late. I’d really like to hang out.” 

Jesus, I hope I didn’t sound *too* desperate. 

We’re at her door, Rae fumbling with her key in the darkness, when it occurs to me that I am actually about to go inside Rae Earl’s house. Another thought occurs, this one much less exciting and more frightening. 

“Your mum won’t mind I’m over this late?” I ask.

The lock clicks. Rae’s turning the knob, the door creaking open. “Oh, she’s not home. She’s on holiday in Tunisia.” 

She steps inside, but I’m frozen under the threshold. It’s midnight and I’m going to be in Rae’s house. Just the two of us. Bloody hell. I’ll have to think of moldy old fruit cakes all night unless I want her thinkin’ she’s invited some pervert with a nonstop stiffy into her home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys...There's no way this night is ending in a car!

**Author's Note:**

> Writing from Finn's POV has been a big step outside my comfort zone, as I've only ever written from Rae's perspective. I'm enjoying the slow burn of Finn realizing he has feelings for Rae (when does everyone think Finn started to like Rae in the show?), helped along by a little jealousy thanks to Little Al. I have seven chapters written that I'm continuing to revise before posting and I have a feeling this story might be a looong one...I keep wanting to add more and more! I hope you enjoy and stick around for the finish line!


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